Help! My Wife Wants a Divorce, But I Don't! What Can I Do?

“My Wife Wants Divorce, but I Don’t. I don’t understand where this came from, and I have no idea how I can get my wife back…What should I do?”

As you continue reading, I’m going to walk you through several of the common reasons why your wife thinks she wants a divorce, and then once were done with that, I’m going to explain to you what you can do to change your wife’s mind.

I’m not talking about psychological mind games or Jedi mind tricks, just a good old fashioned understanding of relationships and women.

But enough talk, let’s get to the meat and potatoes, shall we? If your wife wants to divorce, then just keep on reading.

First Things First;
Understanding Why My Wife Wants Divorce

There are a number of reasons that could explain why your wife wants divorce. Many women have different standards of what constitutes grounds for divorce.

What I’d like to do in this section is talk with you about a few of the most common thoughts that enter a forlorn wife’s head when she is unhappy in a marriage. Many times these little seeds of thought will turn into big poisonous weeds in her mind, and undermine your relationship and your marriage.

Reason #1. Boredom

Let’s face it, marriage gets boring.

It’s just a fact of life… Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong or that you’re doing something wrong, it’s just the way the world goes.

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However, with sitcoms and reality TV and dare we say it – porn? – Our society has become very fast-paced and gratification based.

In other words, we want to feel good and we want to feel good all the time.

Furthermore, if we don’t feel good and we don’t feel good all the time, then we feel like there’s something wrong… We feel like were entitled to this constant gratuity and fast-paced, hyper exciting fantasy lifestyle.

Especially in new marriages and in a couple where one or the other spouse is going through a midlife crisis, sometimes the boredom can be a little bit overwhelming.

• In a new marriage, the newlywed wife suddenly realizes her mistake, and in a fit of ‘desperately taking action’ she decides to get a divorce.
• The mid-life crisis wife is suddenly reminiscing about her dreams and former aspirations, and wondering what life would’ve been like if she hadn’t married you.

Yeah I know it sounds mean, but that’s just the way it is. If she feels bored, then it’s much more likely for her to have these thoughts around this time in her life. I’m just telling you this so that you understand what your wife might be thinking.

Of course, no matter what chapter of life you’re in, boredom is always a possibility, so don’t feel like this problem is restricted only to certain age groups or even certain genders… Men/husbands certainly get bored just as often as women/wives.

A bipolar wife (or husband) is especially susceptible to this problem.

Reason #2. A Negative Outside Influence

If your wife’s mother or sister isn’t too fond of you, then over time that negative pressure can become overwhelming and burdensome.

When faced with even the slightest marriage problems, a negative outside influence can have a magnified power over your wife.

So, if you’ve been having recent problems in your marriage and you know that one of your wife’s close friends or relatives doesn’t really care for you, then that could explain why.

“So you’re telling me that my wife filed for divorce because of one of her friends?”

Again, chances are that something is going on in her head that you’re not aware of. If your wife is being impatient and acting emotionally then this isn’t necessarily the way she always feels (although I’m not making any promises).

Reason #3. You Have Failed to Keep Your Word

Have you promised your wife that you would be more present at home?

Maybe you’ve promised that you would break that porn habit that you’ve had for so long?

Maybe you promised to take her on date nights or give her more time away from the house or be better with the kids or even to start doing basic household chores?

The fact of the matter is that you made a commitment and promised something to your wife and you didn’t follow through.

And then you probably did it again, and again, and then again.

If this doesn’t describe you at all, then feel free to skip this point, but I think most of us can empathize with this image… A lazy husband who has become – let’s admit it - a little bit bored in the marriage; he just isn’t putting as much energy into the marriage anymore, and it shows.

Sound familiar? If it doesn’t, then obviously ignore this tip!

But if you’ve been flaky with your commitments and your husbandly duties, then it could be that your wife has just had enough.

Again, women can be emotional sometimes. If you let this kind of stuff build up too long it will definitely become a problem.

Reason #4. Infidelity

This one probably doesn’t need too much explaining – If you cheated on your wife, then that explains why she wants a divorce.

If your wife is cheating on you, then unfortunately, that also probably explains why she wants a divorce.

Either way, it’s still possible to save your marriage (as I will discuss further down in the article) but you need to make sure that you really want to.

• If you’re the cheater, then you need to make a firm unyielding commitment to never betray your wife in that way again.
• If you’re the cheated on, then you need to consider the saying “once a cheater always a cheater” and make sure that you really want to stay with a woman who’s willing to leave for another man.

Cheating is borderline mental cruelty, so whichever side of the fence you’re on, keep that in mind.

Reason #5. She Has Fallen out of Love with You…

Or she thinks you have fallen out of love with her.

Either way, it doesn’t really matter, in her mind they could both become grounds for her to want to file for divorce.

• Have you and your wife been having problems for a while?
• Could it be that your wife is frustrated because she feels like you haven’t seen any progress with your marriage for so long?
• How long have you and your wife been having problems for?
• Have you tried marriage counseling?
• Did it do any good at all, or did things eventually turn right back to the way they were before counseling?

It may be that your wife is finally frustrated enough with the lack of progress to give up and ask for divorce.

How long do you think your wife could have conceivably been thinking about divorce? Do you think that it is a recent decision, or one that she’s been stewing on for a long time?

Months?

Years?

But really, all of these reasons come down to one easy-to-understand major reason that lies behind all decisions to get divorced…

Are you ready?

Do you want to know what it is…the answer to “why my wife wants divorce”?

Here it goes…

In the End, Your Wife Feels That Divorce Would Bring Her More Happiness Than Marriage

Somehow in your wife’s mind she has decided that divorce would bring her more net-happiness than continuing to stay in the marriage with you (even if you don’t want a divorce).

She honestly feels like happiness is either too difficult or too far away from the way things stand right now, and that getting a divorce would allow her to freely pursue their own happiness to a greater height than she can right now.

In other words, she has finally decided to pursue her own happiness individually instead of as a couple.

Since your marriage vows dictate that you pursue your happiness as a single entity, she is no longer honoring your marriage… She’s beginning divorce in her mind already.

“My Wife Wants Divorce, How Can I Change Her Mind?”

Alright, we’ve talked about why your wife wants a divorce, now we are going to talk about what you can do to stop it or to change her mind.

Depending on your circumstances and what reason you came up with from the above will affect how difficult it is for you to turn your wife around and make her want to stay in the marriage.

But I have faith in you, no matter what!

Rule #1. Don’t Beg Her to Stay With You

This is definitely not the solution to stop your wife from wanting a divorce.

Many men are willing to throw themselves down on their knees in front of your wife, to beg and plead with her to stay in there marriage…To give them ‘just one more chance’.

Don’t be that guy!

The best thing for your marriage AND for you right now is to keep your dignity.

Don’t throw away your manhood by groveling with your wife for her to stay. It will be unimpressive to her, and it will be destructive to your confidence when she says no.

Rule #2. Don’t Count on Marriage Counseling

Wow, talk about a high failure rate. I know that some marriage counselors are better than others, and maybe you have experiences different than this, but it seems to me like most people don’t get anything out marriage counseling.

There’s only a specific type of couple that ever benefits from marriage counseling: it takes two people who are enthusiastic about seeing results. That’s not what you have here…If you’re saying “my wife wants a divorce and I don’t” then you’re wife is certainly not going to be an enthusiastic participant.

I know that my own parents jumped between several different counselors over the course of 10 years and never saw any results…And trust me, they were trying very hard to save their marriage; they followed friend’s recommendations about counselors, but never found one that yielded results.

Marriage counseling CAN be effective, sure, but honestly I think that marriage counseling is only effective in ideal cases where the wife is willing to throw her whole heart into the counseling, and even then it’s luck of the draw.

If your wife holds anything back from marriage counseling, then it’s all in vain…$100+ a week down the drain. Almost all women, if they’ve already decided they want a divorce, will give marriage counseling only a token effort, at best.

Rule #3. Sometimes Communication Is NOT The Answer

One of the common reasons that you’ll hear from your Average Street Joe as to why your marriage is in trouble is…”You and your wife have poor communication”…”Just work on developing open communication”…Or something along those lines.

Sound familiar? Have you heard that before?

I wish it weren’t true, but the sad fact of the matter is that sometimes communication is NOT the answer. Boy, I wish it was…Communication would be easy! Wouldn’t it be nice if the only thing standing between you and a healthy marriage was a conversation?

But it’s not…It’ll take more than that. A bigger change than that.

Rule #4. Be Happy In Yourself & Seek an Attitude of Love

Alright, now we’re going to start talking about what you SHOULD do instead of what you should NOT do.

Being happy in yourself and seeking an attitude of love is what you SHOULD do.

See - Your wife isn’t going to respond to communication.

She’s not going to respond to counseling.

She’s not going to respond to someone else’s opinion.

She’s only going to respond to you and your ACTIONS.

Right now your wife probably doesn’t have the highest opinion of you. Don’t let that spoil your confidence, instead let it just be a sign that you need more.

You are a man, and you define what you think of yourself.

Here’s one of the unspoken secrets to get your wife back: If you want to win your wife back, then you need to become strong enough that you can show her that you don’t care if she leaves.

See? Isn’t that crazy?

But if you’re honest-to-goodness happy with yourself and your life, regardless of whether your wife is included in that or not, then you’re putting yourself in a win-win situation.

Either your wife sees your change in attitude and changes her mind to decide she’d rather stay with you (win), or she continues with her plan to leave you, but that’s okay, because you’re happy with yourself (win).

So, this is the SINGLE BIGGEST SECRET I can tell you:

Become happy in yourself, separate from your wife. Love yourself, love your neighbor, and soon your wife will love you to.

And if she doesn’t? Her loss.

Rule #5. Change Into the Man She’s Attracted To

When you and your wife first met, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume she found you enchanting. The two of you had a natural chemistry, an easy back-and-forth, that made getting along together both pleasant and erotic.

Think about the first time you kissed your wife. Think about the first time you went on a date. Think about the first time you made love.

• What were you like back then?
• How were you different?
• How was your wife’s perspective of you different?
• How do you think your wife perceives you, now?

Understanding the answers to these questions will make your life a lot easier. Your wife probably hasn’t actually changed all that much, deep deep down, it’s just that those subtle changes for both of you over the years have made the two of you grow apart.

If you can identify the traits in yourself that made you and your wife magnetic, then she’ll naturally find herself drawn back to you.

Rule #6. Don’t Tell Your Wife You’re Strategizing

The last thing you need is for your wife to be on her guard for anything you’re going to try and do to get her back. Don’t make let her anticipate anything…Surprises will always work better.

If she gets wind that you’re trying to save your marriage, she will either…

• Throw up her own emotional wall of defense
• Build up overly high expectations that crash and burn if she’s not satisfied
• Be disappointed if you don’t do the specific things she’s imagined for herself in her mind

So just keep your strategies to yourself. Plus, if you make a point to NOT communicate your ideas to your wife, then you won’t inadvertently put yourself in a desperate situation where you end up begging her to stay…”Just until you can change for her”.

That’s about the worst thing that could happen at this point!

I Know Why My Wife Wants Divorce, What Now?

All right, by now we’ve covered why your wife wants a divorce and what you can do to change her mind about it. If you use the tips and strategies outlined in this article, you should see your marriage begin to improve slowly over time.

Your wife WILL want to come back…Just be patient and be strong…

Be a man!

Editorial: This article was originally published on HusbandHelpHaven.com, and if you liked it then I strongly recommend you read more of the free info available there.

Listen, I know that you still have questions about this whole mess; that’s perfectly normal! It’s a confusing time in anyone’s life, and I know that you feel pretty intense obligations – as the husband - to fix your marriage.

Whatever you decide to do from here, I honestly want to wish you the best of luck. I know that you can get your wife back, but more importantly, I know that you will be happy either way.

Thanks for reading!

Kindly,
- Jacob Elichmann