Help! My Wife Wants a Divorce, But I Don't! What Can I Do?

“My Wife Wants Divorce, but I Don’t. I don’t understand where this came from, and I have no idea how I can get my wife back…What should I do?”

As you continue reading, I’m going to walk you through several of the common reasons why your wife thinks she wants a divorce, and then once were done with that, I’m going to explain to you what you can do to change your wife’s mind.

I’m not talking about psychological mind games or Jedi mind tricks, just a good old fashioned understanding of relationships and women.

But enough talk, let’s get to the meat and potatoes, shall we? If your wife wants to divorce, then just keep on reading.

First Things First;
Understanding Why My Wife Wants Divorce

There are a number of reasons that could explain why your wife wants divorce. Many women have different standards of what constitutes grounds for divorce.

What I’d like to do in this section is talk with you about a few of the most common thoughts that enter a forlorn wife’s head when she is unhappy in a marriage. Many times these little seeds of thought will turn into big poisonous weeds in her mind, and undermine your relationship and your marriage.

Reason #1. Boredom

Let’s face it, marriage gets boring.

It’s just a fact of life… Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong or that you’re doing something wrong, it’s just the way the world goes.

Recommended Reading - How to Show Your Wife You Love Her

However, with sitcoms and reality TV and dare we say it – porn? – Our society has become very fast-paced and gratification based.

In other words, we want to feel good and we want to feel good all the time.

Furthermore, if we don’t feel good and we don’t feel good all the time, then we feel like there’s something wrong… We feel like were entitled to this constant gratuity and fast-paced, hyper exciting fantasy lifestyle.

Especially in new marriages and in a couple where one or the other spouse is going through a midlife crisis, sometimes the boredom can be a little bit overwhelming.

• In a new marriage, the newlywed wife suddenly realizes her mistake, and in a fit of ‘desperately taking action’ she decides to get a divorce.
• The mid-life crisis wife is suddenly reminiscing about her dreams and former aspirations, and wondering what life would’ve been like if she hadn’t married you.

Yeah I know it sounds mean, but that’s just the way it is. If she feels bored, then it’s much more likely for her to have these thoughts around this time in her life. I’m just telling you this so that you understand what your wife might be thinking.

Of course, no matter what chapter of life you’re in, boredom is always a possibility, so don’t feel like this problem is restricted only to certain age groups or even certain genders… Men/husbands certainly get bored just as often as women/wives.

A bipolar wife (or husband) is especially susceptible to this problem.

Reason #2. A Negative Outside Influence

If your wife’s mother or sister isn’t too fond of you, then over time that negative pressure can become overwhelming and burdensome.

When faced with even the slightest marriage problems, a negative outside influence can have a magnified power over your wife.

So, if you’ve been having recent problems in your marriage and you know that one of your wife’s close friends or relatives doesn’t really care for you, then that could explain why.

“So you’re telling me that my wife filed for divorce because of one of her friends?”

Again, chances are that something is going on in her head that you’re not aware of. If your wife is being impatient and acting emotionally then this isn’t necessarily the way she always feels (although I’m not making any promises).

Reason #3. You Have Failed to Keep Your Word

Have you promised your wife that you would be more present at home?

Maybe you’ve promised that you would break that porn habit that you’ve had for so long?

Maybe you promised to take her on date nights or give her more time away from the house or be better with the kids or even to start doing basic household chores?

The fact of the matter is that you made a commitment and promised something to your wife and you didn’t follow through.

And then you probably did it again, and again, and then again.

If this doesn’t describe you at all, then feel free to skip this point, but I think most of us can empathize with this image… A lazy husband who has become – let’s admit it - a little bit bored in the marriage; he just isn’t putting as much energy into the marriage anymore, and it shows.

Sound familiar? If it doesn’t, then obviously ignore this tip!

But if you’ve been flaky with your commitments and your husbandly duties, then it could be that your wife has just had enough.

Again, women can be emotional sometimes. If you let this kind of stuff build up too long it will definitely become a problem.

Reason #4. Infidelity

This one probably doesn’t need too much explaining – If you cheated on your wife, then that explains why she wants a divorce.

If your wife is cheating on you, then unfortunately, that also probably explains why she wants a divorce.

Either way, it’s still possible to save your marriage (as I will discuss further down in the article) but you need to make sure that you really want to.

• If you’re the cheater, then you need to make a firm unyielding commitment to never betray your wife in that way again.
• If you’re the cheated on, then you need to consider the saying “once a cheater always a cheater” and make sure that you really want to stay with a woman who’s willing to leave for another man.

Cheating is borderline mental cruelty, so whichever side of the fence you’re on, keep that in mind.

Reason #5. She Has Fallen out of Love with You…

Or she thinks you have fallen out of love with her.

Either way, it doesn’t really matter, in her mind they could both become grounds for her to want to file for divorce.

• Have you and your wife been having problems for a while?
• Could it be that your wife is frustrated because she feels like you haven’t seen any progress with your marriage for so long?
• How long have you and your wife been having problems for?
• Have you tried marriage counseling?
• Did it do any good at all, or did things eventually turn right back to the way they were before counseling?

It may be that your wife is finally frustrated enough with the lack of progress to give up and ask for divorce.

How long do you think your wife could have conceivably been thinking about divorce? Do you think that it is a recent decision, or one that she’s been stewing on for a long time?

Months?

Years?

But really, all of these reasons come down to one easy-to-understand major reason that lies behind all decisions to get divorced…

Are you ready?

Do you want to know what it is…the answer to “why my wife wants divorce”?

Here it goes…

In the End, Your Wife Feels That Divorce Would Bring Her More Happiness Than Marriage

Somehow in your wife’s mind she has decided that divorce would bring her more net-happiness than continuing to stay in the marriage with you (even if you don’t want a divorce).

She honestly feels like happiness is either too difficult or too far away from the way things stand right now, and that getting a divorce would allow her to freely pursue their own happiness to a greater height than she can right now.

In other words, she has finally decided to pursue her own happiness individually instead of as a couple.

Since your marriage vows dictate that you pursue your happiness as a single entity, she is no longer honoring your marriage… She’s beginning divorce in her mind already.

“My Wife Wants Divorce, How Can I Change Her Mind?”

Alright, we’ve talked about why your wife wants a divorce, now we are going to talk about what you can do to stop it or to change her mind.

Depending on your circumstances and what reason you came up with from the above will affect how difficult it is for you to turn your wife around and make her want to stay in the marriage.

But I have faith in you, no matter what!

Rule #1. Don’t Beg Her to Stay With You

This is definitely not the solution to stop your wife from wanting a divorce.

Many men are willing to throw themselves down on their knees in front of your wife, to beg and plead with her to stay in there marriage…To give them ‘just one more chance’.

Don’t be that guy!

The best thing for your marriage AND for you right now is to keep your dignity.

Don’t throw away your manhood by groveling with your wife for her to stay. It will be unimpressive to her, and it will be destructive to your confidence when she says no.

Rule #2. Don’t Count on Marriage Counseling

Wow, talk about a high failure rate. I know that some marriage counselors are better than others, and maybe you have experiences different than this, but it seems to me like most people don’t get anything out marriage counseling.

There’s only a specific type of couple that ever benefits from marriage counseling: it takes two people who are enthusiastic about seeing results. That’s not what you have here…If you’re saying “my wife wants a divorce and I don’t” then you’re wife is certainly not going to be an enthusiastic participant.

I know that my own parents jumped between several different counselors over the course of 10 years and never saw any results…And trust me, they were trying very hard to save their marriage; they followed friend’s recommendations about counselors, but never found one that yielded results.

Marriage counseling CAN be effective, sure, but honestly I think that marriage counseling is only effective in ideal cases where the wife is willing to throw her whole heart into the counseling, and even then it’s luck of the draw.

If your wife holds anything back from marriage counseling, then it’s all in vain…$100+ a week down the drain. Almost all women, if they’ve already decided they want a divorce, will give marriage counseling only a token effort, at best.

Rule #3. Sometimes Communication Is NOT The Answer

One of the common reasons that you’ll hear from your Average Street Joe as to why your marriage is in trouble is…”You and your wife have poor communication”…”Just work on developing open communication”…Or something along those lines.

Sound familiar? Have you heard that before?

I wish it weren’t true, but the sad fact of the matter is that sometimes communication is NOT the answer. Boy, I wish it was…Communication would be easy! Wouldn’t it be nice if the only thing standing between you and a healthy marriage was a conversation?

But it’s not…It’ll take more than that. A bigger change than that.

Rule #4. Be Happy In Yourself & Seek an Attitude of Love

Alright, now we’re going to start talking about what you SHOULD do instead of what you should NOT do.

Being happy in yourself and seeking an attitude of love is what you SHOULD do.

See - Your wife isn’t going to respond to communication.

She’s not going to respond to counseling.

She’s not going to respond to someone else’s opinion.

She’s only going to respond to you and your ACTIONS.

Right now your wife probably doesn’t have the highest opinion of you. Don’t let that spoil your confidence, instead let it just be a sign that you need more.

You are a man, and you define what you think of yourself.

Here’s one of the unspoken secrets to get your wife back: If you want to win your wife back, then you need to become strong enough that you can show her that you don’t care if she leaves.

See? Isn’t that crazy?

But if you’re honest-to-goodness happy with yourself and your life, regardless of whether your wife is included in that or not, then you’re putting yourself in a win-win situation.

Either your wife sees your change in attitude and changes her mind to decide she’d rather stay with you (win), or she continues with her plan to leave you, but that’s okay, because you’re happy with yourself (win).

So, this is the SINGLE BIGGEST SECRET I can tell you:

Become happy in yourself, separate from your wife. Love yourself, love your neighbor, and soon your wife will love you to.

And if she doesn’t? Her loss.

Rule #5. Change Into the Man She’s Attracted To

When you and your wife first met, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume she found you enchanting. The two of you had a natural chemistry, an easy back-and-forth, that made getting along together both pleasant and erotic.

Think about the first time you kissed your wife. Think about the first time you went on a date. Think about the first time you made love.

• What were you like back then?
• How were you different?
• How was your wife’s perspective of you different?
• How do you think your wife perceives you, now?

Understanding the answers to these questions will make your life a lot easier. Your wife probably hasn’t actually changed all that much, deep deep down, it’s just that those subtle changes for both of you over the years have made the two of you grow apart.

If you can identify the traits in yourself that made you and your wife magnetic, then she’ll naturally find herself drawn back to you.

Rule #6. Don’t Tell Your Wife You’re Strategizing

The last thing you need is for your wife to be on her guard for anything you’re going to try and do to get her back. Don’t make let her anticipate anything…Surprises will always work better.

If she gets wind that you’re trying to save your marriage, she will either…

• Throw up her own emotional wall of defense
• Build up overly high expectations that crash and burn if she’s not satisfied
• Be disappointed if you don’t do the specific things she’s imagined for herself in her mind

So just keep your strategies to yourself. Plus, if you make a point to NOT communicate your ideas to your wife, then you won’t inadvertently put yourself in a desperate situation where you end up begging her to stay…”Just until you can change for her”.

That’s about the worst thing that could happen at this point!

I Know Why My Wife Wants Divorce, What Now?

All right, by now we’ve covered why your wife wants a divorce and what you can do to change her mind about it. If you use the tips and strategies outlined in this article, you should see your marriage begin to improve slowly over time.

Your wife WILL want to come back…Just be patient and be strong…

Be a man!

Editorial: This article was originally published on HusbandHelpHaven.com, and if you liked it then I strongly recommend you read more of the free info available there.

Listen, I know that you still have questions about this whole mess; that’s perfectly normal! It’s a confusing time in anyone’s life, and I know that you feel pretty intense obligations – as the husband - to fix your marriage.

Whatever you decide to do from here, I honestly want to wish you the best of luck. I know that you can get your wife back, but more importantly, I know that you will be happy either way.

Thanks for reading!

Kindly,
- Jacob Elichmann

25 Ways You Can Make Your Wife Feel Loved

Love always wins, but it has to show up to the fight, first.

There is something in this list for everyone… Whether you’re one of the few husbands with a completely happy marriage already or one of the ones who still has a ways to go, hopefully one (or more) of these 25 tips on how to tell your wife you love her will help you to draw your wife closer and show her the depth of your love.

So, without any further adieu, here’s how to tell your wife you love her.

25 Ways to Show Your Wife You Love Her

#1. Do her a favor by carrying out a chore or other task you know she wants you to do without making her ask you to do it. When you serve her sometimes, it makes her feel much more appreciated.

#2. Don’t be afraid to get ‘girly’; leave little surprise notes for her every now and then just to randomly remind her how much you love her. Make sure you say ‘I love you’ every single day of your long-term relationship with your wife.

#3. Save money in your budget every month to spend spontaneously on your wife; it should be just as much of a requirement as taxes, utilities or the TV bill

#4. If she’s a stay at home mom, always make sure to give her plenty of time to get out of the house, even if it’s inconvenient for you

#5. Every now and then, praise her intelligence. Let her know you view her as an equal (if not greater) mind; don’t be afraid to learn from your wife

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#6. If you want a wife who gives you sexual favors (c’mon, you know what I mean), then you should be a husband who does sexual and other favors, like a massage, back rub, or leg scratch. Caress her gently and show her tenderness that doesn’t always HAVE to lead to sex.

#7. Take her out of the house; wine and dine her every once and a while. Give yourselves the opportunity to talk extensively with each other, without the kids around.

#8. Let her know that you need her in your life (not recommended if your marriage is on the rocks, be careful not to sound like a beggar) and that you treasure her as your prime source of happiness. When she hears you say it, the idea is firmly ingrained in her mind. She will hold onto it, and it will give her support to be a better wife for you!

#9. Try to avoid complaining as much as you can…This doesn’t mean avoiding real problems, but it does mean being positive about small favors for her, like going to the store or picking up the kids

#10. Remember important dates - like an anniversary, Valentine’s day her birthday or Christmas – by any means necessary.

#11. Remember that your relationship with your wife is EQUALLY IMPORTANT to your relationship with your kids, don’t put your marriage on the back burner just because you’re a parent.

#12. Many times when you’re trying to figure out how to make your wife feel special, the greatest enemy is yourself…Take time every day coming home from work to consciously let go of the stress of your day.

This is good practice not just to be more pleasant around your wife, but you’ll generally find yourself less stressed and more relaxed at home as a result of this tip

#13. Ask her honestly what makes her scared, what her fears are, and what she thinks is the root of those fears (you’ll learn a lot). Make sure you remain totally un-judgemental throughout this open communication.

#14. Send her a text or call her sometime during work; there’s no such thing as too much telling your wife you love her

#15. Don’t always expect sex…Let her work her magic on you free of the expectation and you’ll be amazed what she’ll do all on her own

#16. Do you have kids? Let her know the night before that you’ll be the one to wake up and make sure they’re ready for school and stuff, that way she can sleep in every once in a while

#17. Along a similar note, make sure you discipline your children when they’re disrespectful to both you AND your wife

#18. Work out! Your wife loves you no matter what you look like, but you can really make her crave you if you’ll put a bit of work into staying in shape. Plus, it will make you manly-er…If you really want to know how to be romantic to your wife, this should definitely be a priority!

#19. Always, ALWAYS tread lightly when you’re around your wife and another woman…Do not ever give her any reason to ask you your intentions. 45% of men are said to cheat on their wives; don’t be one of them!

#20. Spend some time reflecting on what your relationship with your wife was like when he first started dating… Think about what you’re either consciously or subconsciously doing differently now as it compares to your previous self. Are you making your wife more attracted to you, or less?

#21. A lot of loving your wife comes down to adapting in attitude of pro-activity. In other words, do things spontaneously, impulsively, and without being asked. Love her impulsively, give her a gift spontaneously, and run errands without being asked…See a common trend? Women love knowing that they’re on your mind ALL the time. Hing: This leads to a less nagging wife!

#22. Most couples stop cuddling with each other when they’re watching TV after they’re married…Don’t be afraid to get cozy under the blankets and show physical affection the way you used to do when you were watching a movie or TV

#23. Take special care of her when she’s sick; pretty easy, but many men stop doing this after awhile…You’ll always make her feel so much better!

#24. Having company over is often much more stressful for the wife then it is for the husband; be conscious of this, and do your best to be extra helpful and supportive when you’re going to be having people over

#25. !!!Most Important!!! T Do NOT expect anything in return for your affections; If you do then you’re making it about you, not your wife or her happiness. You’ll be amazed what can happen in a marriage where you selflessly love your wife

And there you have it, 25 different ways for you to Show Your Wife You Love Her. Each of these tips will make a difference in the way your wife feels about you.

Try incorporating even one or two of these into your marriage, and I think that you will be amazed with the results. You can have a happy and healthy relationship with your wife… It doesn’t have to be hard, elusive, or take years of work to get to. You don’t need a marriage counselor, you don’t need therapy, and you certainly don’t need separation or, worse yet, divorce.

You can and will have a happy marriage with your wife, I just know it!

Of course, no matter what you decide to do from here, I wish you the best of luck learning how to show your wife you love her.

You’re always welcome on HusbandHelpHaven.com!

Thanks for reading.

Kindly,
- Jacob Elichmann

How Well Does Marriage Counseling Really Work?

If you’re like many of the lost and confused husbands in the 21st century, then you have already tried the most commonly prescribed solution to any marriage problem, a.k.a. marriage counseling.

I don’t know when it became such common practice, but somehow the goto solution for any and all problems that could plague a marriage (separation, loss of passion, divorce, infidelity, lack of communication, etc.), the most prominent and widely advice that you’re going to get is “have you tried marriage counseling?”

So you would think, naturally, that such a booming and reputable industry would have become so highly recommended because of its correlating high success rate, right?

Wrong!

Does Marriage Counseling Work? Do We Have the Highest Divorce Rates, Ever?

Admittedly, according to recent statistics, the divorce rate in America has finally come to somewhat of a plateau in the past couple years because less people are getting married, so there are less couples to divorce.

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But still, in the past 10 – 25 years divorce rates have sky rocketed, and I want you to really think about this for a minute… Doesn’t it seem strange that the rise in divorce rates correlates almost directly with the thriving marriage counseling industry?

Some might argue that this makes sense because more divorces need more marriage counseling, but what if the true source of the problem wasn’t actually divorce, but the total ineffectiveness, even counter-productivity, of marriage counseling?

I’ll tell you an example of this – My own parents are divorced. They were married for over 20 years, and they tried everything in the book to save their marriage. They tried not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE different marriage counselors over the course of 10 YEARS, and not a single one of them did anything to save their marriage.

In fact, the marriage only ever got worse because my parents became frustrated with their lack of progress, and that frustration led to even more problems in the marriage.

In other words, marriage counseling added fuel to the fire, and it poisoned any chance of saving my parents’ marriage.

Now, I’m not saying that all marriage counselors are complete quacks, but a surprising amount of them are. Their marriage counseling methods and techniques are based on theory, conjecture and textbooks, not actual romantic or human experience or even on successful marriages.

Most Marriage Therapists Are Even More Screwed Up Than Their Patients

This could probably be said about many therapy related fields, but I feel that it is especially true in marriage counseling. I know of multiple marriage counselors who have actually gone through a divorce, but continue to teach others how to fix their marriage. Clearly these people have no idea what actually works if they can’t even save their own marriage, so why would you trust them to save yours?

Again, I don’t want to make any overly broad generalizations here, but I do feel like the marriage counseling field has become equivalent with divorce attorneys…It’s just one more cog in the machine leading to the simultaneous degradation and capitalization of marriage in America. I mean, from a price standpoint they’re almost the same… It will run you about $400 for an hour on the phone with a divorce attorney, and a single marriage counseling session will usually cost you at least around $300, if not more.

These are people that know you’re desperate and are willing to take advantage of that are their own gain.

Think about it, if you were truly passionate about helping people and saving marriages, would you demand $300 per session for something that you haven’t even seen consistently yield results? I’m not saying it’s morally wrong to charge a lot of money for your services, but when there’s so much money involved it’s only natural to question true motives, especially without results to justify a high price.

Think about it, most marriage counselors recommend at least 10 sessions to see results in your marriage, which means you’re dropping $3,000 on totally unproven techniques and strategies.

Which brings me to the implied second part of our original question…Does Marriage Counseling Really Work?

Why or why not?

And to me, this is what seems to be the reason most marriage counselors fail:

Most Marriage Counselors Have Been Trained By Women, For Women

This is what I really think it comes down to… Everything that your average marriage counselor has learned, and in turn everything they teach you, was very likely written by a woman. Again, I’m not trying to be chauvinistic here, and I know this is going to sound sexist, but women DO NOT know what they want…I’m sure you can agree with me on that.

All those things that your marriage counselor tells you…

• ”Just keep working at it”…
• ”Communication is the key”…
• ”Be more open with each other”…
• ”Start having intimacy time”…
• ”Date nights are the answer”…
• “Make her feel loved”…

All of those things are written in some text book somewhere and that textbook was written by a woman. These are things that women think they want, and they do when everything is already perfect, but they will NOT save your marriage.

These are all things you should be doing when your marriage is thriving, more like characteristics of a successful marriage than actual techniques to fix a broken one.

But You Can Clearly See Their Train of Thought…

A good marriage has open communication, right? So it ‘makes sense’ that to fix a broken marriage you should develop open communication, right?

A good marriage has spouses who enjoy intimacy time with each other, right? So, it ‘makes sense’ to say that if you force intimacy time you’ll fix your marriage, right?

But marriage isn’t backwards compatible like that…It doesn’t work because these logical solutions are NOT going to work when there is no feelings of attraction or emotional fondness behind them. So even if you’re going through the motions correctly, there is no guarantee that you will actually fix your marriage.

In fact, if anything you’re almost guaranteed to make it worse, because you’ll remind your wife how bad things have to be that she can’t feel ANYTHING even when you’re apparently trying so hard.

Editorial: This article was republished from my Blog, but you can find the original post right here (along with my free ebook!).

Remember, attraction is the ONLY thing that will save your marriage. Without attraction there is no emotional incentive driving your wife to come back to you…Logic, reason, counseling, courses, books, rational techniques and perseverance will not save your marriage. Feelings, emotion and passion will.

Whatever you decide to do from here, I wish you the best of luck getting your wife back and saving your marriage. I know you can do it…You’ll always have a safe place here.

Good luck!

You’re always welcome here,

- Jacob Elichmann @ HusbandHelpHaven.com

Everything You Need to Know About Your Wife Lying

Editorial: This article was originally published on HusbandHelpHaven.com, along with many other free articles and resources.

Detecting deception is difficult and emotional, in this article I’m going to try my best to guide you through the whole process.

Is it Okay to Suspect Lying,
or Care About Something so ‘Petty’?

The answer to this question is simple: Yes, it is good to be concerned that your wife is lying to you. You’re right to be wondering ‘is my wife lying’…To not wonder would be to not care about your marriage.

 

Lying is not a petty crime, especially in a marriage. Caring about lying is not a bad thing, or something that should be construed as smothering. You should always maintain open and honest Communication with each other, and when one spouse is lying to the other generally there is something to hide. There can not simultaneously be lying and trust in a relationship; you can’t say that trust is not important.

It may not be a big problem or issue, but there is something… I’m sure you have already considered the possibility of an affair, and that would obviously be on the worst side of the spectrum.

However, it could be something much more mundane than that, too.

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So is she lying to you and why?

Well, typically people lie for one of two reasons: (A) there is something that they are trying to hide from you, such as smoking cigarettes or having an affair, or drinking a little too much, or (B) there is something that she’s avoiding talking to you about; in other words she’s making her own life easier by lying to you. Those are the 2 motivations that can lead to deceit.

Of course, there are also the compulsive liars, but we won’t discuss those here.

So, hopefully at this point you’ve had some time to reflect on what your wife might be lying to you about. Try and think of something other than infidelity that could be causing her deception.

• Did your wife used to smoke cigarettes?
• Is your wife known to enjoy the occasional night out with her girlfriends?
• Could it even be that one of her girlfriends is going through a divorce herself, and she’s afraid you’ll think she’s in cahoots when she’s just trying to help?

Of course, it IS worth mentioning that affairs are becoming more and more popular among women.

We’re almost to the point where just as many women are cheating in serious relationships and marriage as men are. I believe the last stats about infidelity that I checked stated that around 40% of women cheat or have cheated sometime in their life, and about 45% of men. As you can see, the rate of infidelity among women is not too far off from the men as some of the altruistic feminine types might have you believe.

So, What is Your Wife Lying About?

I thought I would go ahead and take a section here to talk about what your wife could be lying to you about. Hopefully reading these options will give you some ideas, and better prepare you for either the best or worst case scenario.

#1. I Think My Wife Is Having an Affair

We’ve already talked about the possibility of a lying and cheating spouse a little bit, but I thought I’d go ahead and get it out of the way early so that we can move on to lesser evils.

Basically, if you’re getting suspicious feeling from your wife, then there is a minor possibility that she’s having an affair.

Is that automatically the truth?

No.

And even if she is having a technical affair, she could be lying about a bad porn habit (which counts as cheating), an intimately developing friendship, an emotional affair, or a physical affair. I’m not saying one of those is any better than the others, but I am making the point that there is still more for you to learn about what’s going on even if you’re sure that her deception is rooted in some adulterous nature.

If your wife is cheating, then getting proof and exposing the relationship is your only option if you want to keep the power through a divorce, but let’s not go that way quite yet. Signs of cheating will be reserved for a different article. I’ll try to remember to come back and post the link here when I write it.

#2. Is She Lying About an Intimate Relationship with Someone Else

If your wife isn’t hiding an affair, she could still be hiding the beginnings of one. With Facebook it has become very easy for husbands and wives both to reconnect with old lovers or old flames.

It could be that your wife has found someone that she’s become very close friends with a little bit too quickly… It could be that she’s hiding her close relationships because she feels guilty, although she’s also probably tell yourself it will develop into anything serious. Of course, you and I know better, but you should be grateful that you caught things early if this turns out to be the case.

Sometimes an old friend really is just an old friend, so you’ll have to tread lightly here depending on how much evidence you have one way or another.

A good way to find out more is to talk to her friends that you know would be honest with you her married friends are the most likely to be candid.

#3. I Think My Wife Has a Guilty Spending Habit

There has actually recently been a new term coined for this type of behavior among married couples… It’s called financial infidelity and it is becoming a more and more common problem in many marriages across America.

The concept is simple, your wife is basically hiding her dependence on money, shopping, and that feel-good rush it only comes from buying something you really really want.

I know that cheating with money is a much lesser crime than cheating with another person, but it’s still a problem that will need to be addressed, and addressed carefully at that. Obviously this sort of thing is probably pretty easy to keep track of… If your wife is constantly flaunting new clothes or accessories, and you don’t exactly know where she got the money, or if you do notice that she’s been spending a lot of money, but she won’t tell you where or what she spending on, then this could be the source or root of your wife’s deception towards you.

#4. Is She Lying About Smoking / Some Other Bad Hobby

Last but not least among the most common reasons why wives like to their husbands is because they are trying to hide some sort of unpleasant habit that they know you wouldn’t approve of.

For example, a very common habit that women will hide is smoking cigarettes. A less common habit would be smoking marijuana / smoking weed / getting high, or possibly drinking with friends (or alone).

Of course, you could probably argue that financial infidelity actually falls into the bad habits category, but if you’re going that far then you could also argue that real infidelity falls into the bad habits category, so what are you gonna do?

We all have habits that we have to keep in check… Whether it’s negligence of house duties, smoking pot, or watching too much TV, almost everyone has something they prefer not to deal with. Your wife has just decided to lie to you about hers, for whatever reason.

As you can see there are a number of things that your wife could be lying to you about, so if you’re not sure, then your best bet is probably to play it safe and only observe, at least for now.

Is My Wife Lying?
5 Ways to Detect Her Deception

All right, now let’s go ahead and talk about what you’re going to do to confirm that your wife is lying to you. As you continue reading this article I’m going to be covering some common techniques that you can use catch your wife in a lie red-handed.

Look at Her Eyes to See When She’s Lying

When in doubt, look at the eyes. They truly are the window to a person’s soul, and even though there aren’t very many confirmed studies on the connection between eye movements and deception, many times when you stare into a person’s eyes you just know that they are lying. However, the two most common correlations between eye movements and whether or not a person is being honest are listed below:

1. Looking Up and To The Right – The right part of the brain is involved in inventiveness and creativity, so when you notice that your spouse keeps glancing to the right, that could be a subconscious reaction to increased brain activity on that side. Many people look to the right when making up a story.
2. Eye Contact, Too Little or Deliberately Too Much – It is natural for a liar to not make eye contact with you when they are actually telling you the lie. However, because many people are aware of this statistic, they will purposely make eye contact with you. Of course, it will be easy to detect when someone is purposely, and not naturally, making eye contact with you to cover up a story.

Body Language When She’s Lying

There is a whole smorgasbord of body language cues that can indicate that your wife is lying to you. The next time you’re having a conversation with your wife, see if you notice any of these:

1. Robotic or Well Thought Out Movements – If your wife has had time to think about her lie in advance, then many times she will try and distract you through grand gestures and well choreographed arm and hand movements. In her mind this will make her story more dramatic, enthralling and therefore, believable. If you’re watching for it, you won’t be deceived.
2. Lack of Movements – Conversely, some women when lying will freeze up in a way similar to people who have stage fright. Hands awkwardly at their sides, stiff movement and gestures, no confidence in their actions…I think you get the picture.
3. Scratching Her Ear, Covering Her Mouth or Otherwise Touching Her Face – Many people revert to their childhood fixations when they’re nervous (or in other words, lying). It’s only natural, so if you notice your wife is scratching her ear a lot, covering her mouth or touching her lips, or rubbing her eyes or her nose, or anything else that involves touching her hair or face, then chances are something has he

How Does She Respond to Your Questions, Accusations or Concerns?

This is a good way to answer the question “is my wife lying?”…Pay attention the next time you confront your wife with something she could potentially be lying to you about…See what her reaction is. It doesn’t have to be something big.

1. “Oh, what?” – Does your wife have an initial response that she uses every time she’s about to lie? Many people actually have a verbal tell that they don’t even realize when they’re being less than honest… A common one is to either repeat what you asked them, or otherwise divert your attention to give them time to come up with a believable response
2. “No, you’re wrong” – Another very common response that your wife will give you when she’s lying will be to straight out tell you that you are in the wrong. Her response to being caught off guard is to forcefully push you in the other direction as hard as she can, so she will out right denying any lies rather than confess and tell the truth.
3. “No, you’re stupid” – taking it one step further, another common response that your wife will give you when she’s caught in a lie is to counterattack by degrading your own esteem or authority. She might call you stupid, petty, unreasonable, father like, or smothering, but she won’t fess up to her own sins.

Other Warning Signs of a Lying Wife

1. Facebook or E-Mail Accounts You Didn’t Know About – This is a sign of lying that has become much more common in recent years with the rise of social media sites like Facebook and MySpace. It is easier than it’s ever been to contact and subsequently hook up with random people from ex-lovers to close friends to random single people.
2. You Catch Her Lying Through Calls or Text Messages on Her Phone – Have you caught your wife spreading misinformation? Is the story she tells her friends different than the story she’s telling you? Many times you can learn the truth from what she tells her friends better than what she tells you at home.

As you can see, there are a ton of different ways for you to catch your wife if shes lied.

My Wife Lied to Me, What Now?

Whether she’s lying about having an affair, lying about smoking cigarettes, or lying about spending money, I hope that this article has given you the advice you need to come closer to the truth. You don’t have to rush to get those divorce papers signed just yet, I know that you and your wife can work it out if you try. Rebuilding trust isn’t impossible even if your wife has lied to you, it just takes cooperation and patience until she learns to stop lying.

We have lots of other free material on Husband Help Haven if you’d like more help answering the question ‘Is My Wife Lying?’ (or any others)…I encourage you to read around a bit. Is she lying, what can you do about it, how can you avoid divorce?

Thanks for reading!

Kindly,
- Jacob Elichmann

What Do I Do Now That My Wife Cheated On Me?

Are you looking for a way to make the pain of your wife’s infidelity go away?

Today I’d like to talk to you about how to recover from her infidelity and finally work towards a revived marriage.

Learning to control the immense amount of emotion that wells up when dealing with your wife’s unfaithfulness will be one of the first steps in recovering, or at least surviving, her affair.

If you can successfully cope with the huge amount of turbulent emotion, then you’re going to have a much easier time when it comes time to work on the marriage. Healing your marriage and surviving infidelity are much easier when you have your emotions under control.

Recommended Reading - How to Forgive Your Cheating Wife

As you continue reading this article, you’re going to be learning how you can control your anger and manage your emotions, especially in the context of your wayward spouse. If you can’t find calm among all the emotions twirling inside of you, then this is the article for you.

After all, it’s only natural that you’re angry right now. Whether you’ve confronted her about the affair or not, sexual infidelity is enough to wreck any man.

“My Wife Cheated on Me…”
Here Are 3 Tips to Help Contain the Emotion

When I was cheated on by my high school sweetheart, it nearly tore me apart…The amount of rage that I had built up inside of me took months, if not years, to work through and understand fully.

So sincerely and truly, I’m sorry that you’ve been put in this position and that you now have to find a way to cope with a cheating wife / cheating spouse.

Things will finally start to look up once you realize how to work with and use your emotion instead of letting it ruin day after day.

Here are 3 tips I put together that you'll find helpful when you've found out 'my wife cheated on me'.

My Wife Cheated on Me - Tip #1.
Get Physical!

This is one of the oldest and most useful ways of relieving emotional stress…Intense physical work. Not only is it proven to be effectively therapeutic, it’s something you can start doing right now, night or day.

It doesn’t have to be working out, necessarily, and understandably if you’re not really the ‘fit’ type you’ll need to find a substitute. Even if all you do is start taking a 30 minute walk every day, this will almost 100% guarantee you’ll think more clearly when you ARE home.

However, the fact remains that intense physical work, the kind that’ll make you sweat bullets, is one of the best therapies out there. So if you can, invest a few bucks in a punching bag or a kettle bell or a personal trainer or something.

I promise it’ll make you feel better. Physical work is the safety net for many men, and I always recommend it when possible.

My Wife Cheated on Me - Tip #2.
Identify What About Her Infidelity Makes You Mad

Many times the key to getting through the rage is to first understand EXACTLY where it comes from. Okay, right now you’re thinking I’m an idiot, I mean, obviously your mad that your wife cheated on you, right? But here’s the thing…There are bound to be certain parts that make you more mad than others.

For example, many men hate the actual physical act of sex. For them it makes no difference whether their wife committed emotional infidelity or had a purely physical affair…It’s all the same, and it’s all equally painful for the betrayed husband.

So for many married men, the act of sex and physical contact is what they struggle to get over from Adultery.

Other men, for example, find it hard to get over the fact that they’ve been lied to.

Still others can’t get over the fact that their wife wasn’t satisfied with their sex life; it shakes the betrayed spouse’s self confidence to the core.

If you can identify exactly what you’re struggling to get over regarding your wife’s affair, then you’re awareness will in and of itself make your life easier.

My Wife Cheated on Me - Tip  #3.
Are You Angry About the Past Relationship?

Many times, any issues that you and your wife have had in the past will come up again around the same time that you find out about her cheating. If this describes you, then you need to take this as a sign and recognize that the easiest way to work through all of it is going to be to separate out each individual issue.

It’s much easier to forgive several little problems than one big one, so let each problem be it’s own problem, and you’ll soon start to see that healing your marriage actually isn’t all that impossible.

If you’re the guy saying “Help! My Wife Cheated on Me and I can’t let go of it!” then I hope this article has been helpful to you. No matter what’s happened, please feel free to browse around on HusbandHelpHaven.com for some more love advice.

If you believe that your marriage can be saved, and you’re willing to do everything possible to get your wife back, then it’s time for you to take action. Divorce doesn’t have to be how this story ends; just give yourself and your wife a chance to change.

Thanks for reading!

Kindly,
- Jacob Elichmann @ HusbandHelpHaven.com

Are You Ready to Forgive Your Cheating Wife?

I know that right now you don’t understand how it’s even possible to fully forgive cheating…Is every man who’s ever repaired his marriage after an affair really just jading over their feelings of jealousy and betrayal?

Or do you believe that full forgiveness really is possible? That you and your wife can get your relationships with each other back on track, and things can go back to the way they’re supposed to be?

Recommended Reading - My Wife Cheated On Me, Now What?

If you want you and your wife to have the kind of ultimate marriage you’d wish for your children, then this is the article for you.

What You Need to Know Before You Learn
How to Forgive a Cheating Wife

As you continue reading you’re going to be learning exactly what you can do to increase your odds of coming back from this affair, whether emotional, physical, sexual, or even virtual, stronger than your marriage has ever been.

You Can Only Marry One Woman

Unlike every single other relationship that you’ve formed in your life, not counting your mom and dad I suppose, you’ve had the CHOICE to befriend/date/talk to whoever you want…In other words, you chose to develop loving feelings for your wife, just like you chose to develop a bond of trust with your close friends.

However, the difference between a friendship and a marriage is that there’s only one woman that you can marry. You’re going to have to live with both her flaws AND her good attributes. There’s a down side to every coin.

So what am I saying, exactly? Where am I going with this?

What I’m saying is this:

You may be tempted to fill yourself with regret for ever marrying your wife, but the fact of the matter is that everyone makes mistakes, both men and women. So yes, there may be other women out there that wouldn’t cheat  (all though fewer and fewer meet that criteria), but they have their own problems that could be just as bad and emotionally traumatizing.

I know that they say that an affair is the worst thing that you can do to another person, and honestly I agree for the most part. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t benefit from it, or at least find a way to recover from it fully.

Who knows, your wife’s infidelity might be just what your marriage needed to kick start itself into full gear! God works in mysterious ways.

Is Forgiveness Possible?
In All My Experiences, Yes, You Can Love Your Wife Again

In my experience it’s entirely possible to learn how to forgive a cheating wife.

Yes, someday you will be able to look back at your wife’s current affair and say that you honestly can forgive her for infidelity. You’ll be able to look her square in the eyes and say that you do NOT hold a grudge against her for cheating. You will fully forgive your cheating spouse.

Learning to forgive a cheating spouse is difficult, but with time it can certainly be done. Healing the pain, and in fact even using it as the starting point for a new marriage, is more than possible.

If you’re a Christian, then ideally you’ll come to recognize that infidelity and adultery is equal to any other sin, and that your wife’s affair was a weakness, nothing more. The ultimate Bible answer, and the golden rule of forgiveness, is that we all have weaknesses and we all make mistakes, yourself included. If you love your wife unconditionally, you’ll be able to come back from it.

I’m not saying you’d ever cheat on your wife, and I’m not saying that adultery isn’t grounds to get a divorce, because it certainly IS. What I am saying is that I’m willing to bet you haven’t always been perfect. Again, I’m not trying to compare anything you’ve ever done to what your wife has done to you, but none of us can read the future, none of us can say we’re perfect, and in the end, all of us need forgiveness.

However, You Will NEVER Be Able to Forget Her Unfaithfulness

The old biblical mantra, forgive and forget, simply can NOT be applied to this situation. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to erase the experience of this affair from your mind.

I’m sorry.

I could lie to you and tell you that in time you’ll come to forget the effect this Adultery had on you, but most of you won’t. You will always look back on this as one of the hardest periods in your life, but again, that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to learn ‘how to get over my wife’s affair’, it just means it harder.

So what’s my point? What good does it do you for me to let you know that forgetting is likely impossible? Well my hope is that you’ll spend your time focusing on only one goal:

Forgiving your wife for cheating. Forgiveness comes before forgetting, so if you hope to someday be completely free of the emotional response caused by your cheating spouse, focus on forgiveness above forgetting, moving on or leaving ‘it’ behind you.

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Editorial: This article was originally published on my website right here: How to Forgive a Cheating Wife. You'll also find lots of other free resources available.

Forgiving your wife for cheating, on an intimately and emotionally conscious level, should be your TRUE goal, and nothing else.

Whatever you decide to do from here, good luck!

And thanks for reading!

Kindly,

- Jacob Elichmann @ HusbandHelpHave.com

Have You Ever Wondered How to Argue With Your Wife?

Arguing isn’t necessarily bad, especially if there is a point to it. But to argue just for the sake of arguing, especially with your wife, can lead you to spend the night on the ‘old trusty couch’.

There are ways to argue that can edify both you and your wife as an end result, you just have to learn how to do it right. There’s a way to argue that allows you and your wife to fall in love with each other more deeply at the end of every fight, and there’s a way to argue that leaves you both wondering whether your relationship is in trouble…

Recommended - Can I Get My Wife Back?

Throughout the rest of this article I’m going to try to teach you how to do the former.

How to Handle Arguments in Marriage – Let’s Start From the Beginning

An argument is a general disagreement in perception. One might see it black while the other sees it dark blue. The same goes for anything from sex to clothing, from religion to politics and so on.

People can literally argue about anything on this planet. Yet there are levels in arguments. For instance when we talk about a topic like abortion, it can become cutthroat in a matter of minutes. Yet if you argue about the taste of a “Coke versus a Pepsi” or “Jacob versus Edward”, nobody would leave the conversation feeling offended.

Well okay, some teenage girls may get offended about the Twilight thing. My deepest apologies for making a reference to that abominable series of books and movies.

But back to the topic at hand – Sometimes it’s better to agree to disagree, especially if you can see that there will be no resolve at the end. The point of arguing is to find a mutual understanding of the topic, and to be “ok” with the end result.

How to Argue With Your Wife – Rules for Effective Arguing

Adopting a humble and modest perspective is the first step to arguing effectively with your wife and maintaining healthy Communication. This doesn’t mean that you bow down to everything she says, but it does mean mean that you are aware that you don’t know everything and that it is physically possible for you to be wrong. Sometimes even if you think you know something, what you know may not be true.

If you and your wife make a rule to always go into an argument prepared to be wrong, I think you’ll find yourself much more satisfied with the outcomes.

By understanding that you can be wrong, you avoid getting caught up in the heat of things. This isn’t always an easy feat to master; deep down inside we all have a little voice called pride that tells us we’re right.

Have you ever noticed what word the first letters of the following phrase spells out, “We Are Right”?

Remember to always pace your arguments, when things get too heated it is better to pause the argument and save it for some other time when you and your wife can have cool enough heads to have a healthy argument.

When Is Arguing With Your Wife Worth it?

You must always ask yourself if the argument is actually worth it, because senseless arguing achieves nothing. Even when you’re married, you and your wife still maintain individual perspectives of the world and the things that happen in it; you’re both different and have different views. If you accept this, you will notice a significant decrease in your arguing.

Unfortunately, many arguments can not be avoided. A good way to judge whether or not an argument should be pursued is whether or not you actually have a solution in mind to the problem. If you realize that the only reason you’re bickering at your wife is because you had a bad day, then that’s not an argument worth having. If you have a legitimate point or see something that could lead to a long term problem if unaddressed then that’s a good reason to state your case.

Always Look for Solutions, Not Reasons to Argue

As was stated previously, some arguments have more weight than others. By being able to discern what arguments will have solutions, what arguments matter, and learning how to broach those topics in a way that doesn’t involve personal insults for your wife, you will be much better prepared for a happy  and healthy marriage. These arguments must be focused on finding solutions as opposed to simply arguing for argument’s sake.

Is Arguing With My Wife Healthy?

Yes it is, but not all the time. All relationships involve argument…It’s only natural. You can have a relationship that grows from disagreement, or a relationship that decays from disagreement.

Like I said earlier, when it comes to arguments that affect the strength of the relationship, then by all means argue it out until you find a solution. But constantly arguing about meaningless things is the fast track to finding significant fault in your wife, which may even create resentment towards her.

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Editorial: This ariticle was originally published on my website, here: How to Argue With My Wife

Both you and your wife can learn from arguments, you just have to pay attention to what you both are saying. Where is your wife really coming from? Is there any way for you to better communicate your own perspective?

By asking these questions during your arguments you will be able to keep a calmer head, and ultimately find more satisfactory solutions easier.

Kindly,

 - Jacob Elichmann @ Husband Help Haven

How To Know If You Can Save Your Marriage

“Can I Get My Wife Back? Can I Save My Marriage? Everything I’ve Done Has Only Pushed Her Away…”

I know you, and I know that you want to avoid divorce by any means necessary. Don’t take my ‘The Good Husband’ story example the wrong way…It doesn’t make you weak if you want to save your marriage. It’s all about how you approach it and your wife’s perception of you.

“Yes or No…Can I Save My Marriage?”

I know that things seem impossible right now. I know that it feels like everything you’re doing is only further destroying your marriage. But believe me when I tell you that you can save your marriage no matter how bad things have become.

Recommended  - How to Argue With Your Wife

It’s not too late to save marriage…

• Even if you or your wife has committed infidelity or adultery, or even if she continues to have an affair, you can get her back.
• Even if you’re already divorced and the papers have been signed, you can get her back.
• Even if you’re separated and she’s enjoying the single life while you’re left lonely and miserable, you can get her back.
• Even if you’ve already tried marriage counseling, maybe even multiple counselors, and had no success, you can get her back.
• Most importantly – Even if you are the only one making an effort to save your marriage, you can STILL get her back.

The saying “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” has a strong correspondence here, but it’s not quite as simple as that. You see, I know that you have the ‘Will’ to save your marriage, but the ‘Way’ that you’ve been taught is completely backwards. You’ve been taught that you need to rebuild a connection with your spouse, which is true, but what you’ve been taught about gaining a woman’s attention back is all wrong. The secret isn’t communication or couples counseling or conflict resolution.

No matter how much ‘Will’ you throw at the wrong ‘Way’, you’re not going to have an impact on your wife or your marriage. Conversely, when you find the right ‘Way’, it actually doesn’t take that much ‘Will’ to heat things up again…Things just naturally fall into place.

I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to give up hope. You can still get your marriage back on track, no matter what. It might be the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life, but I promise you that it is possible to make the reasons to stay with you outnumber the reasons to Divorce, and the answer isn’t in some marriage counselor.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t act quickly…The longer you wait, the harder it is to make a difference in your wife’s feelings.

“Okay, I’m Ready, How Can I Get My Wife Back?”

What you need to do is focus on returning to the man that your wife fell in love with.

Here are some quick things you should try to get an idea of what might re-attract your wife to you

1. Meditate back on who you were when you met your wife; what were you like back then?
2. Try and find some old letters or emails or something that you wrote to or about your wife from the time…See what sounded different about you, what you said differently, what you did differently
3. See if you can spend some time with your old buddies. You know, the ones that really bring you back, the ones that remind you what it’s like to be a man again.
4. Get out there, enjoy yourself and re-ignite your manhood (that doesn’t mean sleep with some random bimbo; it means remember what it means to have testosterone flowing through your veins).

So, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop throwing a pity party and stop thinking that you’ll never be happy again…You can and you will continue to grow as a man. With or without your wife, things will get better, but it’s my job is to make sure things get better with your wife, not without.

But I need your help to make it happen – You have to be willing to forget everything you think you know about how women and relationships and marriage works, and change your perspective on attraction and love. I’m not going to tell you it takes ‘hard work’, because honestly it doesn’t…It just takes ‘hard understanding’.

I’ve talked a lot about what it takes to get your wife back in other articles…The purpose of this one is to reassure you that YES – NO MATTER WHAT you can get your wife back, even from the brink of divorce.

In fact, you can have the best marriage of your life even after being on the rocks, you just have to rebuild that attraction with your wife. When your wife FEELS like she wants you she will naturally stop thinking about divorce, leaving you, or being single, and she’ll start thinking about a happy future with you. The problem or question you need to address now is why your relationship has a lack of attraction?

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“I Still Want to Know More About How I Can Save My Marriage”

 

Editorial: This article - Can I Save My Marriage - was originally published on my website. Feel free to drop by sometime!

I suggest that at this point you either continue exploring Husband Help Haven or you could check out my honest review of the Marriage Savior System by Michael Cross…I think you’ll find it eye opening. Either way…

I wish you the best of luck, and I know you can get your wife back! Just imagine what it’ll be like when things are back to the way they used to be in the peak of your relationship; think of the passionate sex, the lovey-dovey behavior, the friendship, the way problems just didn’t matter…That will be your marriage soon enough.

Stop trying to fix your wife; focus on fixing yourself.

Thanks for reading!

Kindly,
 - Jacob Elichmann @ HusbandHelpHaven.com

Difficult Question - Why Did Your Wife Cheat On You?

First things first, let’s get one thing absolutely straight.  No matter how terrible of a husband you may have been in the past, or even in the present, there is never any situation in which it is appropriate for your wife to have an affair.  No matter what, your wife should not have cheated, and you should not have been forced to catch cheating.

It’s not your fault, there’s nothing you could’ve done, she just…Cheated. There’s always been cheating potential in your marriage because your wife is the type of person who could cheat (Unfortunately there are more and more of them these days)

But of course, this doesn’t really do anything to answer your question…  “Why did my wife cheat on me?”

Recommended - How to Get Over Your Wife's Affair

Well, as you continue reading this article, I’d like to do my best to answer some common questions and shed some light on three of the most common reasons that women cheat on their husbands.

“Why Did My Wife Cheat on Me?”
3 Extremely Common Reasons Why Women Cheat

Below I’m going to be going into three of the most commonly seen reasons of eight women cheat on their husbands.

However, please note that made these are only three of the hundreds of reasons that women can decide to cheat on their husbands.

And you know what?

Sometimes there is absolutely no reason at all.  Sometimes your wife will have known all along that she was going to cheat on you…  She planned it from the day that you guys got married, if not before. Some women/men/people just can’t be bothered to maintain sanctity in close relationships like marriage.

It sounds terrible, but it’s true. It happens. So just take these with a slight grain of salt; I can’t say for sure what sent your wife down the path of a lying and cheating spouse. I hope these reasons serve as a post risk assessment of sorts for you, so that you can see what relationship issues could have led to her cheating, which will hopefully make surviving infidelity and rebuilding trust easier down the road.

Reason #1.
She Thought She Was In Love With A Crush

It’s no secret that women are very emotional creatures.  Just about every decision that they make is based on emotion, or in other words, on the way that it makes them feel.

The natural assumption for your wife is probably that what ever feels good to her emotional ad is also what makes the most sense logically.  Not the other way around.

So, imagine if you will die from her perspective she’s bored in the marriage, or unhappy, or what ever.  The point is that sometimes she feels bad.

So what does she do?

Well, nothing at first.  She waits.  She sees if those feelings will go way.  And while she’s waiting, she meets someone…  Someone that she really finds herself quite attracted to.

Fast forward two months down the road, and what do you have?

Your wife has still not made any are real effort to improve your marriage, however, she has been improving her relationship with this ‘new friend’…To the point where she’s developed a small crush of her own.
As time goes on and her resolve weakens in her feelings for this other man become stronger, it becomes simply a matter of chance as to when she will be put in a situation where cheating FEELS like the right thing to do.

And remember, women are all about feeling.

An affair happens when those feelings convince her that infidelity is the right thing to do, and many times a charming ‘other man’ can really help speed along the process.

Reason #2.
She Was Bored in Her Marriage & Cheating Was Easy

there’s no getting around, boredom is just a part of marriage sometimes. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just the way it is. All relationships have their ups and downs; I think you’d agree that being bored is better than being at each other’s throats 24/7, right?

But sometimes boredom can be even worse than constant bickering, especially depending on how long you’ve been married. Newly weds are much more likely to cheat because many times they haven’t yet experienced boredom in their relationship with their spouse… They freak out and automatically assume they made a mistake, and the affair happens subsequently.

Or in a marriage where your wife has felt bored for a long time, whether she’s told you about or not, many times that boredom can lead to a general feeling of dissatisfaction. When there is dissatisfaction, it’s natural for us to seek a way out of that dissatisfaction. If your wife elects not to fix that that dissatisfaction by making an effort to fix your marriage, then she is likely to turn to other relationships for that fulfillment that she desires.

In other words, having an affair with easier and more pleasurable in the short-term than hashing out the problems in your marriage, or making an effort to rekindle her feelings for you.

Reason #3.
All Her Friends Are Doing It / New Age Woman / Entitlement

In our post-modernistic society where marriage is quickly losing its sanctity and rates of both divorce and infidelity are the highest that they’ve ever been, it’s natural that there are a lot more women cheating on their husbands than there used to be. The same is true for men.

The difference is that there is a stereotype that many people still believe that says men are the only ones who ever commit Adultery, or at least a significantly higher percentage of men cheat on their spouses than women, but this isn’t nearly as true as it used to be.

I don’t remember the exact stats about infidelity, but the last time I brushed up on my infidelity statistics, it was something like 35% to 40% of women have cheated or will cheat in their lives (relationships, not just marriage), and 45 to 50% of men will cheat sometime in their lives. So, percentage-wise the difference is around 10%, but many women assume that the difference is like night and day. Hence, there’s a trend that’s easy to spot in several infidelity websites and forums and other online communities that has women proudly proclaiming that they cheat on their husbands and that they’re happy they do it. They say to women, “Live a little! You know they’re doing it, why shouldn’t we get the same privileges?!”

So what I’m trying to get across here is that women today feel much more entitled to fun, spice, adventure than they ever have before; thus sex with a romantic partner is also more common. It’s to the point where their depravity actually matches our own gender! =O

So this could be why your wife cheated…A general feeling of entitlement in her heart. Entitlement has become one of the key factors associated with cheating.

What Can You Do About it?

Well, sir, that depends on whether or not you still want to save your marriage. I will be totally upfront with you – a cheating wife is grounds for divorce.

Tell yourself the truth; if this is not something that you feel you can recover from then I encourage you to at least look into that path. Especially if your marriage was in a poisoned state before your wife’s affair, divorce may be the best route.

As they say, “once a cheater, always a cheater” and if you haven’t found a suitable answer to “Why Did My Wife Cheat on me?” then that may be a good route to go.

However, if you want to move on from her affair and to save your marriage…If your willing to do anything to get your wife back and reignite passion and love between the two of you, then I encourage you to take things into your own hands. We have lots of free material that you’re encouraged to read through here on HusbandHelpHaven.com.

Whatever you decide to do from here, whether it’s forgive or divorce, I know you will be okay. You’re strong and you’re a man, don’t ever forget it!

Thanks for reading, it’s been a pleasure writing for you.

Kindly,

- Jacob  Elichmann

Struggling to Get Over Your Wife's Unfaithfulness?

If you recently discovered that your worst nightmare has come true, that the absolute most painful thing that can happen in a marriage has just happened, then you must have just found out about your wife’s affair. Chances are that the emotions and thoughts that are inside of you are threatening to rip their way out of your heart at any moment.

Here’s a general overview of what we’ll be covering in this article about ‘how to get over my cheating wife’:

1. When is it best to move on after your wife cheated on you?
2. Is your wife still the woman you married?
3. Learning to love a woman who isn’t perfect

So here’s the question you need to ask yourself right now:

Are You Man Enough to Survive Your Wife’s Affair?

I won’t lie to you: getting over her affair is going to take both time and effort on you part, but I’m going to do my best to make things easy for you. After all, unfaithfulness in any form is something that can easily destroy even the healthiest of marriages.

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It’s actually kind of astonishing; I mean just think how much your marriage has changed forever, all because of that ONE moment where you found out that your wife is cheating on you. That ONE realization was enough to send shock waves through the foundation of what you thought was a happy marriage. You’re certainly not the first man to wonder ‘how to get over my wife’s affair’, and many that do never fully forgive their wife for cheating.

Do You WANT to Save Your Marriage, Or Are You Ready to Part Ways?

Another question men often ask themselves is whether or not they even WANT to save a marriage after being wronged so completely by their wives.

It’s a legitimate question, and one that you should answer before trying to figure out how to forgive a cheating wife. If you don’t think you’ll ever be able to love or forgive your wife, then sometimes it’s easier to cut loose than pursue a lost cause. Not just easier, but better for both of you, too.

This is especially true in the “Once a cheater, always a cheater” type relationships (most of them), where your wife has been cheating on you for a while, and either can’t or won’t stop meeting her lover. Since your wife has made the decision to cheat on you, you should know that it will be much easier for her to cheat on you again in the future.

When things get bad in your marriage, and even the best marriages have rough patches, then you’ll likely find yourself wondering whether or not your wife is still remaining faithful. That won’t change from now on…You’ll have to work hard to rebuild trust with your wife.

Is Your Wife Still the Woman You Married?

Why do you think your wife cheated on you? Do you think that your wife has stopped loving you and that’s the cause of her affair?

I mean, you know that YOU are still the man she married, at least as far as you know. You need to ask yourself this question and answer honestly: Do you still love your wife? Make sure you’re looking past the tumultuous emotions that are currently battering your mind…Try and distance yourself from her affair and see things objectively, or from the big picture.

If you DO still love your wife, then it’s probably best to think of your wife’s affair as a mistake. I mean, everyone is only human, and everyone who’s ever been married has gone through temptation in some form (but not everybody gives into it). If your wife cheated on you then you can just chalk that up as one of her many mistakes. I’m willing to bet that you’ve made a few mistakes in your day as well?

It’s often tempting in a marriage to assume that a healthy marriage is one where neither partner ever commits a sin, but the fact of the matter is that very few marriages work that way. In fact, I would guess that there’s NEVER been a marriage where both people were happy the entire time. At least not happy in the typical sense…Even when you’re mad or even disgusted with your spouse, you can be happy that you have someone to experience life with, a partner that you can count on and that, when all is said and done, you can (hopefully) still have love.

But this is something we often forget when we’re married. We always want perfection at any costs. You do, your wife does, everyone does.

I’m sure you used to think that your wife was some sort of goddess immune to the sins of man, but she cheated and now you realize that, just like you, she’s only human. And as a human, there will be times where she not only fails to live up to your expectations, but actively disappoints you as well.

Now, obviously I’m not trying to make an excuse for your wife, but I am saying that if you want to save your marriage you’re going to have to recognize that she has faults just like you do. You’re going to have to forgive those faults, live with those faults, and accept them as you accept your own.

Do You Think You Can Love a Wife Who Isn’t Perfect?

If you can, and your wife is willing to do the same for you (if your wife won’t stop cheating, that’s a good sign you should be moving on), then I can promise that it’s only a matter of time before you and your wife are back on solid ground again.

I’ve even seen couples who have come back from an affair with a stronger, healthier marriage than they’ve ever had before!

Sometimes Infidelity can force you to confront, and subsequently resolve, hidden problems that have secretly been plaguing your marriage for a while…Even if you didn’t know it!

If you can control your emotional response to her affair and stop your mind and heart from living in the past, and force yourself to look forward to a bright new future, then I can promise you that in time your relationship will work.

The only way, though, is if you’re very careful not to let the issues of your OLD marriage corrupt your NEW marriage. You need to make an effort to forgive her and let old graves lie still, as they say.

If you feel the need to initiate an argument with your wife over something from the past, make sure you think long and hard before beginning a confrontation, and when you’re arguing make sure you’re actually looking for a solution and not just reasons to yell and fuss at your wife, or to make her feel guilty for cheating on you.

This is one of the keys to overcoming infidelity that many people fail at…They can’t help but start fights to ‘get even’ with their wives, and it comes back to bite them in the but. Don’t let this be you.

“How Do I Forgive My Wife for Cheating”

I can tell you right now that 9 times out of 10, when dealing with infidelity and the many confrontations that it can lead to, it’s better to let the sleeping dog lie unless you have a clear solution already outlined in your head.

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Editorial: If you liked this article, then read more articles similar to How to Get Over My Wife’s Affair on Husband Help Haven, where this was originally published.

If you believe that your marriage can be saved, and you’re willing to do everything possible to get your wife back, then it’s time for you to take action.

Whatever you decide to do from here, good luck.

Thanks for reading, and best of luck! I know you’ll be able to find the answer to “how to get over my wife’s affair” with a little time and a lot of work…Just don’t lose sight of your end goal!

- Jacob Elichmann @ Husband Help Haven

 

Question - How Would You Describe Your Perfect Wife?

Editorial: This article was originally published on my Blog on HusbandHelpHaven.com

Hopefully being reminded of what your perfect wife looks like will give you the driving motivation needed to become master of your marriage and finally turn things around.

I won’t lie to you, it’s going to be hard journey, but knowing what your reward is at the end will make things seem a lot easier and much more rewarding. Sacrifice isn’t sacrifice when you know there’s a reward.

So what does the perfect wife look like?

Do You Want ‘The Perfect Wife’ to Be Your Wife?

Here are 9 qualities describing the wife that you COULD have, but that only 1% – 2% of husbands DO have:

#1. She Loves and Adores You

She thinks of you as the sun, the absolute center of her universe. She loves you with all of her being and she doesn’t ever have thoughts of greener pastures. She knows that you’re a ‘catch’ and she will appreciate everything you do for her.

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#2. She Fantasizes About You

She can’t get you out of her head. When she looks at your she can’t help but feel a tingle; she feels an almost magnetic pull to be with you, and it definitely shows in the bedroom. She can’t get enough of you, she wants you SO badly that sometimes she just *HAS* to have you.

#3. She Recharges You, Not Drains You

Being around your wife feels natural, comforting and fun. You look forward to seeing her at the end of a long day, and you know that when everything else looks bleak, your wife is there to make things better. She is comfortable knowing that she’s the foundation that gives you strength, and she revels in your joy.

#4. She is the Envy of Your Friends

Your friends wonder what you’re doing to have such a happy marriage and perfect wife. They don’t understand how your wife is SO good to you…And honestly, your friends’ wives are probably a bit miffed, too. They don’t understand how a woman could be so happy in a man, but they know that’s what they want, too.

#5. She is a Rock Solid Foundation

She pushes you to greater and greater things. She knows your dreams and views them as her own. When you are happy, she is happy, and when you are sad, she is sad. When nothing else in the world makes sense (We all have those days), she is there for you, crystal clear. Your marriage is unquestioning…You don’t have to worry about losing her, or that she’ll find someone else. You know that she’s utterly happy with you, and so you can rest easy and enjoy her fully.

#6. She Regards You as Man of the House

You will ‘wear the pants’ and she will respect you for it. I’m not telling you to be a chauvinist, and I certainly hope I don’t come off that way, but when things go right it’s natural for the man to take the head of the house. She respects that, and helps you to be the man you were meant to be.

#7. She Shows Affection Towards You

Whether it’s little kisses, warm hugs, soft cuddles or super-charged sex, she always wants to show you how much she loves you. Remember, she’s happy when you’re happy, and she will show you physically that she wants you to be happy. It will feel natural for her to be all over you, and your marriage will be better for it. You’ll finally have that ‘spark’ back.

#8. She Has Rational Arguments With You

Let’s be honest, there is no such thing as a truly perfect marriage where neither person ever has beef with the other. Fights and arguments are as much a part of relationships as love and affection. However, in your ‘new’ marriage your wife doesn’t explode, doesn’t shut down, isn’t irrational, and actually listens to what you have to say. Even when you fight, you’re not really fighting because at the end you’re reminded how much in love you really are.

#9. She is Joyful and Passionate

The spark that no longer exists in your relationship will be reignited once again. Instead of feeling lost, hopeless and lonely, both you and your wife will live every day in joy, passionately thankful that you’ve each been given such a wonderful spouse. Happiness will come naturally, and your marriage will thrive under a new reign of passionate love.

Now tell me, what are you feeling right now? Do you see what you could have? Do you want that kind of marriage? Can You Describe Your Perfect Wife?

You don’t have to settle for anything less…You can take control of your marriage and become the kind of husband that has the perfect wife.

Either way, thanks for reading!

Kindly,
 - Jacob Elichmann @ Husband Help Haven