Question - What's the Difference Between Your Wife and Your Best Friend?

I want you to think back to when you were just a wee lad… Who is your best friend in elementary school? Who is your best friend in middle school? What about high school? College?

 

Well, the way you've been communicating with your best friends your whole life is the same way you should communicate with your wife right now. Many men do not understand this or do not practice this piece of advice, and I personally feel that this is part of the reason why divorce rates are so high right now.

 

Of course, it's easier said than done, so as you continue reading this article I'm going to show you what you need to do to repair your relationship with your wife and take your marriage communication to the next level.

 

Sound good?

 

Is Your Wife Your Best Friend?

 

If you're like most of us, then you've probably had two or three "best friends" throughout the years. Even if you didn't know it at the time, your relationships with those people all had one thing in common…

 

You can feel safe telling ANYTHING to your best friend

 

Stories, experiences, negative feelings, happy feelings, criticisms, hard times, good times… You can share everything with your best friend!

 

So, how does that differ from how most men handle relationships with their wives?

 

Most Men Don't Like Sharing Negative Feelings

 

If you're anything like most husbands, you probably don't have a problem sharing all of the good times with your wife. I'm sure the you love telling her a good story and sharing good experiences with her.

 

After all, that's what marriage is all about, right?

 

Well, it actually goes deeper than that… A big part of a healthy marriage is having a trusting relationship where you're free to discuss both positive and negative feelings with one another. Just like your relationship with your best friend, your relationship with your wife should have no boundaries when it comes to topics of conversation.

 

In other words, if you feel there is a problem within the relationship, address it in the same way you would with your best friend.

 

Explain your problems politely, empathetically, and generally, and focus on finding a solution rather than placing blame.

 

What Happens When You Allow Marriage Problems to Fester?

 

I mean, do I really need to answer this question?

 

Here's a fun fact for you: Approximately 55% of people admit that they don't tell their partners about problems they see in the marriage, and the US divorce rate is 46%.

 

Which couples do YOU think are getting divorced: The ones that openly address their problems for the ones that let them boil under the surface?

 

The Importance of Friendship in Marriage

 

The fact of the matter is that no marriage has ever been all fireworks, all the time. 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, 10 years, 25 years go by, and things won't ALWAYS be exciting, or necessarily even enjoyable.

 

There will be problems; there will be down time; there will be sacrifice. That's not to say that you can't have an exciting and passionate marriage your ENTIRE life, but it IS to say that it will take work

 

I hope that you've learned something about friendship with your wife. I know that things are probably still kind of confusing for you right now, but don't worry, that just means you're normal. For more open and helpful guidance, check out this free report:

Are You a Good Husband?

Of course, there are no obligations and the report is free. I'm just trying to help a brotha' out!

For more free husband-help articles written by yours truly, you can visit my website - http://HusbandHelpHaven.com

Thanks for reading!

The Secret to Accepting Healthy Criticism From Your Wife

Are there communication problems in your marriage? Do you struggle to accept criticism or other negative feelings from your wife without getting into a defensive fit of frustration?

I think you agree with me when I say that men, as a whole, are not very good at taking criticism. Of course, no one really LIKES criticism, but I feel that men handle it particularly worse than women.

So, as you continue to read the rest of this article, I'd like to talk to you about the healthy way to accept criticism from your wife. This is a pivotal step in learning how to communicate with your wife effectively, and I can virtually guarantee the your marriage will see improvements because of the tips outlined below.

Basically, I play the process out into a simple four step plan.

Step #1 – Don't Take It Personally

This should really be called Step #0, because this is the basic understanding you need to have before you can effectively control your reaction to any negative feelings coming from your wife.

I'm not saying that your wife never has or never will make a personal attack on you, which is nearly always out of line, but the majority of the time what you take as a personal attack is really just your wife trying to communicate something uncomfortable to you.

Sometimes there's just no good way to say something that needs to be said. You need to understand that, and take her words accordingly. Always assume that she is NOT trying to put you down or make a personal attack on you, but that she is making a legitimate effort to improve your relationship.

Step #2 – Be Empathetic With Your Wife

Really, I could have switched these first two steps around and been okay, but at this point it doesn't really matter. The important thing is that you understand how critically important it is for you to BE EMPATHETIC with your wife, not just when she's delivering bad news, but all the time.

There is no such thing as being too empathetic with your wife. It just doesn't exist.

Always try to imagine yourself in her shoes in any given situation, and I can tell you right now that all of those "insurmountable marriage problems" will suddenly seem easier to get through.

Step #3 – Take a Deep Breath

I know that a lot of what I'm telling you is much easier said than done. When you're in the moment, so to speak, and you can feel that frustration and anger welling up inside of you, it's very difficult to force yourself to (A) not take things personally and (B) be empathetic with your wife.

I know that!

I'm a guy too, remember?

So I want you to make this your automatic reaction anytime you start to feel yourself getting angry, frustrated, upset or otherwise pessimistic…

Take a DEEP breath.

And if you still feel frustrated?

Take another.

If you can force yourself to take a precious few moments to calm down and diffuse the situation, conflict resolution will become much easier in your marriage.

Step #4 – Think before You Speak

This is the last step to successfully navigate your way through the reception of any criticism or negative feelings from your wife. If you have already made it through steps 1, 2 and 3, then step 4 should be pretty easy for you.

Both men and women have a tendency to speak without thinking, and it can have dire consequences in your marriage. You need to be very careful to always think about what you're saying BEFORE you say it. It's impossible to take back a mean or hurtful comment once it passes the threshold of your lips.

Even if your wife is being venomous to you, still think before you speak back and your conflict will resolve much quicker.

By following these four steps, you will find that resolving problems in your marriage is easier and less hurtful than it's ever been before.

I hope that you've learned something about dealing with common marriage problems. I know that things are probably still kind of confusing for you right now, but don't worry, that just means you're normal.

For more open and helpful guidance, check out this free report: Are You a Good Husband?

Of course, there are no obligations and the report is free. I'm just trying to help a brotha' out! For more free husband-help articles written by yours truly, you can visit my website - http://HusbandHelpHaven.com

Thanks for reading!

"My Wife Caught Me Looking at Porn, Now She Wants Divorce...Help!"

So what can you do about it?

As you continue reading this article I’d like to talk to you about:

• Your Relationship with Porn
• Why Your Wife Cares So Much about You Looking at Porn
• How You Can Stop the Divorce and Turn Your Marriage Around
• What Arguments You Should Avoid at All Costs

My goal is that by the end of this article you’ll know why your wife cares about you looking at porn, what you can do to save your marriage and how you can finally stop looking at porn all the time.

As you can see, we have a fair amount of ground to cover in this article, so let’s go ahead and get started!

How Would You Describe Your Relationship with Porn?

Let’s face it – The fact that you got caught looking at porn…The fact that this is even a problem…Means that we need to have an honest man-to-man about what exactly your relationship is to porn.

Many men have an addiction to pornography and masturbation, even if they wouldn’t admit it.

I know addiction sounds like a heavy word, but it’s important that you be honest with yourself during this phase…How would you describe your level of addiction to porn?

Read through the following questions and think about where you would rate yourself…

• Have you promised your wife you would quit looking at porn in the past?
• Have you made a distinct effort to stop looking at porn?
• Do you ever look at porn even when you know you shouldn’t, or that there could be severe consequences for it?
• After going without porn for a few days, do you start to feel stressed, anxious or ‘on edge’?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then there’s a good chance that you are at least mildly addicted to porn.

While there is much debate about whether or not someone can actually be addicted to porn / sex, to me if you can’t quit and there are withdrawal symptoms when you do try to quit, then that qualifies as an addiction.

Most men tell themselves that they could ‘stop looking at porn anytime’ when really they are much more under a spell than they realize. Are you one of those men?

Which of these best describes your feelings about yourself and porn:

1. “I’m completely addicted to porn, no questions asked. I’ve tried stopping and can not do it.”
2. “I really like looking at porn. I’m not addicted, but sometimes I look at porn even when I’m not horny…It relaxes me.”
3. “I like looking at porn, but I can keep myself away from it for long periods at a time…I rarely mess up and look at porn.”
4. “I messed up one time and it won’t happen again. I know that it’s my choice whether or not I look at porn.”
5. “I can stop looking at porn anytime I want, but I honestly don’t see what the big deal is.”

Which of those descriptions do you think you fall into? Are you a complete addict? Do you just not care? Is is something you know you’ll get over with time?

An honest assessment of how much you need to look at porn will help you understand why your wife left, and it will help your wife understand why you were looking at porn in the first place.

Why Does Your Wife Care that You Look at Porn?

To some of you, this will be an extremely obvious question…However, I wanted to take a few moments to really put this in perspective for you, and make sure that you understand why looking at porn can be DEVASTATING to a loving wife.

What may seem to you like nothing more than what ‘all guys do’, seems to your wife like a deeply emotional attack on her self worth.

Let’s look at what your wife thinks about your porn habit.

Perfect Women, Perfect Bodies, Perfect Orgasms, Perfect Fantasies

Your wife knows what kind of women you’re looking at when you’re jacking off to porn.

She knows that the women are very fit, many of them with gorgeous breasts (either fake or real), and that these are women who are paid to look good having sex. She knows that women in porn can put on a show, and she knows that it’s exciting to watch.

When you look at porn, do you spend time looking for that ‘perfect scene’ that’s worth ‘finishing’ to?

Then you are spending time finding porn that meets your deepest fantasies (logically), and your wife knows that too. She knows that you can find things online that will never be able to happen in the bedroom.

Are you starting to see how this could MAYBE have an effect on her self esteem?

If she knew that you couldn’t help but look at these gorgeous women have wild sex with unreal orgasms, and she knew the kind of stuff you really LOVE looking at, would it surprise you to learn she was jealous?

Probably not.

She Knows She Can’t Compete

As I already said, many of the things that your wife KNOWS you’re looking at in porn could never actually happen in your marital bed.

You will probably never engage in threesomes, lesbian sex, interracial sex, teen sex or web cams anywhere but inside your own porn fantasies.

Your wife knows that.

She knows that there is an exclusive part of your sex life that she has no place in, and it drives her crazy.

After all, let’s face it, you’re not jacking off to pictures of your wife.

She Thinks You Value Her Less

It’s only natural to start losing self worth when time after time the person that you love can’t tear themselves away from what you perceive to be their ideal sexual experience.

Your wife knows that she can compete with the actresses and porn and she knows that she can’t fulfill your wildest fantasies.

This is all fine and dandy, but when you show her that you don’t have control over your own sexual urges, it makes her feel like she’s not doing her job well enough.

How would it feel knowing that your wife would rather get herself off, alone in a world of sexual fantasy, than have you, in person please her sexual needs?

Probably not very good.

When you keep choosing yourself and porn over your wife and your marital bed, it’s natural that she start to question where exactly she falls in your priorities.

She Feels Sexually Inadequate

Yes, when we have sex it certainly feels very good, physically.

The feelings of intimacy that you experience, combined with the gentle touch of your wife make for an exciting time.

But if you’re like most men, then another aspect of sex that’s very enjoyable is seeing what you do to your wife…

Isn’t it a huge turn on watching your wife worked into a frenzy, and knowing that you’re the one bringing her there? For most men, and I’m guessing that includes you, it’s extremely erotic to be one with your wife, and to find your own satisfaction in her satisfaction.

Well, guess what? Your wife feels the same way.

She loves knowing that SHE is the one that can turn you on. She loves knowing that SHE is the one that can make you squirm into an explosion of ecstasy. She loves knowing that SHE is the one you fantasize about, that you can’t wait to get into bed with.

But, when she knows you’re looking at porn, there is an ever present fear that you have found something more pleasurable than her. She’s afraid, and rightly so, that you can give yourself more sexual satisfaction by yourself than with her.

To her it doesn’t make sense to say ‘I love you, I just like porn, too’. That statement doesn’t compute.

She Suspects She Married ‘Just Another Guy’

These days one of the most common arguments that you will hear when a man is caught looking at porn is “he’s just being a guy” or “all guys do it”.

This is NOT true. Even if every guy you know does it, that just means you don’t know any strong men. Not everyone looks at porn. Not all guys look at porn. And certainly not all guys NEED to look at porn, or would choose porn over their wife.

Even if you think all guys look at porn, your wife was certainly hoping that you were the exception to the rule.

You don’t want to be ‘just another guy’ do you?

How NOT To Defend Your Pornography Mistake

If you don’t think that you should have to stop looking at porn, then you are certainly entitled to your opinion. I’ll tell you that I don’t personally agree with you, especially if your wife objects, but I can’t control your actions.

However, if you are going to try and be defensive about your desire to look at porn with your wife, here are a set of arguments I would advise AGAINST using.

Recommended Reading - How to Divorce Your Wife

These are the most common excuses men give for looking at porn…Some of them are quite pitiful.

#1. All Guys Do It – This is the most overplayed card in the book. I don’t know when this became an excuse, but it certainly should not be one. All guys do NOT look at porn, and even if they did, don’t you want to be separate from the majority?

Yes, a lot of guys have or currently do look at porn, but in no way should that have any effect on your own actions.

#2. It’s Just Visual Stimulation, I Don’t Love Those Women – This is another excuse that men commonly give to their wives when they’re looking at porn and don’t want to stop.

Of course, it doesn’t really make much sense….

It’s sort of like arguing that an affair is okay as long as there’s no romantic feelings involved…Would you agree with that?

#3. I Wouldn’t Care if You Did it – If you tell this to your wife there’s a good chance that you will do nothing but insult her. Clearly your wife DOES care about you looking at porn, and in her mind she probably views it akin to infidelity.

By telling her that you wouldn’t care, she’s just going to interpret that as you not caring about the marriage or about her own fidelity.

Don’t degrade the work your wife has done to resist temptation… Everybody faces temptation, you have just given in to pornography.

#4. It’s Better Than Visiting a Prostitute / Cheating – This is another argument that really just doesn’t make much sense.

Yes, looking at porn is not illegal, so in that regard it is better than going to visit a prostitute, but it’s also better than killing someone or child molestation or rape.

When you cheat on your wife, will you tell her to stop freaking out because at least you’re not addicted to crack? Or because at least you didn’t kill a hooker?

No! Of course not!

Honestly though, instead of spending time thing about how you can justify your actions, you would be much better served by reflecting on what is missing from your marriage or your life that led you to seek comfort in pornography. What's really responsible for divorce suddenly present in your life?

Did you know that you don’t have to WANT to look at porn? When things are right, both within yourself and within your marriage, there’s no need for porn.

Tips to Avoid Divorce After Looking at Porn

In most states, looking at porn is a justifiable reason to file for divorce. Really, there’s nothing you can do to change that fact.

But I know you, and I know that you don’t want to get divorced… I know that no matter how much you enjoy looking at porn, you love your wife more and that you’d do what it takes to save the marriage if you only knew how.

Well, I decided I’d try and help you out, because I’ve struggled with porn and I know it can be difficult to come back from. Here are a few things that you can try to convince your wife to give your marriage another shot.

Remember That Actions Speak Louder Than Words

It’s easy to say that you’re going to stop looking at porn, but unless you actually do it your words are meaningless. It’s easy to say that you’re sorry for looking at porn, but when your wife finds you are browsing history she’ll see how sorry you really are.

If you are serious about your marriage than remember that your words will only get you so far. Do you need to act like you care, and that means no more porn and yes more effort in your marriage.

Enroll in Therapy All by Yourself

If you really want to show your wife the you’re serious about breaking your porn habit and fixing your marriage, then don’t wait for her to tell you what to do, go ahead and enroll yourself in whatever kind of therapy you think would be most helpful.

Even if your wife says that she doesn’t care if you go and therapy or that she doesn’t want to, by doing it anyways you will show her that you’re serious about her and the marriage.

Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

I know that this is hard to understand… I know that you would like to be able to tell your wife that you will never look at porn again… I would love for you to tell her that too!

However, it is important to remember that it will be more devastating for your wife if you make a bold promise and break it then it will be if you make a promise too small and fulfill it.

If your actions show that you’re serious about the marriage, and you have a plan to stop your porn habit and fix things with your wife, then explain that to her. Tell her that you understand you’re addicted, you understand that you have a problem, you’re seriously working on it, and you’re going to stop. If possible, set a date that you want to be totally done by.

What you do NOT want to do is promise her immediately that you’re completely done looking at porn, and then 2 weeks later get caught in a moment of weakness…

You’ll break her heart. Not worth it.

Offer to Install Internet Blocking / Computer Tracking Software

If you have betrayed your wife’s trust more than once, then this gesture could go a long ways to showing her that you’re serious about not looking at porn. Right now, to be frank you don’t really deserve her trust. Even if she hasn’t said this to you, I’d be willing to Bet that she is second-guessing some of what you’re saying to her regarding your problem.

Offer to install tracking software on your computer, and make sure that she is the only one with the password. This will let her keep tabs on you as much or as little as she wants, and it will also incentivize you to know that your wife is watching what you’re doing.

Remember That You’re Not Always Entitled to Sex

The biggest problem that I feel leads people to pornography, infidelity and many other sexual problems is an entitlement to sex. We live in a world where there is sex at every turn… Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it is blatant, but it is always there.

We have become spoiled with sex, and most people feel like it’s something that you deserve, not something that you earn.

So I’m telling you this – There WILL be times when you are not getting as much sex as you want from your wife.

I’m sorry. This world isn’t perfect. It’s just the way it is.

That does NOT entitle you to porn, or to the touch of another woman. It entitles you to be thankful for the sex you do have with your wife, which will in turn make it all the more enjoyable.

I Still Have Questions About How to Get My Wife Back

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Editorial: This article was originally published here (My Wife Wants a Divorce for Looking at Porn) on my website, Husband Help Haven. I hope you'll check it out there!

Well, we’re coming to the end of this article, but I understand that I may not have answered all of your questions here. Hopefully I got you thinking about where porn stands in your life, priorities-wise, and where it should stand in comparison to your wife.

I hope that you have learned why pornography is such a sensitive subject for your wife, and why you owe it to her to gain control of your habit.

Either way you choose to go from here, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you get your wife to come back around.

You’re always welcome here on Husband Help Haven!

Thanks for reading!

Kindly,
- Jacob Elichmann

Are You Wondering How to Tell Your Wife You Want Divorce?

Do you want to know How to Divorce Your Wife?

Do you want to learn what to say, when to say it, and what to expect from your wife when you break the news?

As you continue reading this article, I’m going to be walking you through the process of telling your wife that you want a divorce. I know that this can / will be painful. I know that this is something that you don’t want to do, and I know that you’re probably scared you will somehow mess up and remain trapped in the marriage even longer.

And I KNOW you don’t want that! Being stuck in an unhappy marriage can ruin someone’s life.

No one plans on getting divorced, it just happens. There are as many reasons to get divorced as there are to get married… Sometimes deciding to divorce is avoidable, but sometimes it is not (at least, past a certain point).

• Poor communication…
• Raising or having children…
• Changes in lifelong priorities…
• A debilitating lack of commitment…
• The desire to graze greener pastures…
• Even simple boredom …

Are all issues that can lead a man like yourself to consider divorce.

While this article isn’t really about how to save your marriage, or how to avoid divorce, I did want to take a moment to make sure that you really want this…

Are you absolutely positive that you want to divorce your wife?

Let me ask you this question, and I want you to answer honestly…

“What would it take to make you want to stay with your wife?”

• Would she have to change?
• Would you have to change?
• Would time travel be required somewhere in there?

What would make your wife perfect to you?

What if you could have that perfect ‘dream’ wife?

Recommended Reading - My Wife Wants Divorce For Looking at Porn

Alright, if you’re still here reading and still sure that you want to divorce your wife, then I trust you and that you’re really sure of yourself, and that you know you want to start beginning divorce.

So I won’t delay you any further…Let’s start talking about how to tell your wife you want a divorce. Without further adieu…

How to Tell Your Wife You Want Divorce – 7 Things to Consider

The following tips will help teach you how to divorce your wife and prepare you for the task of telling your wife you want a divorce.

These tips will make you think about things you should know before the confronting this emotional task, as well as take you through the steps necessary to shore up your emotional and mental defenses.

Divorce is not a decision to be rushed, take your time and make sure you really want to take this road. There’s no going back from here.

#1. Why Do You Want to Leave Your Marriage?

Reflect on what’s wrong with your marriage, your life, and your relationship with your wife. Understand fully why you want to leave your wife and end the marriage.

Have you done everything possible to repair the marriage? What efforts have you made? Did you really put your heart into trying to revive your marriage, or were you just taking time so you could say you did?

Are your reasons for leaving the marriage selfish, or do you feel that they’re altruistic?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condemning the decision to divorce…I don’t want to sound harsh and I know these questions might be difficult to hear.

At the same time, I don’t want to waste your time.

These are the questions you need to answer, no beating around the bush. I’m asking them, and your wife will too. I’m not condoning or condemning either response.

Having an answer to these questions is of critical importance.

#2. Don’t Blame Your Wife For a Sour Marriage

One critical lesson regarding how to tell your wife you want divorce that I’m going to try to hammer into your head throughout this article is that your divorce should NOT be about pushing your wife’s hot buttons, getting even, or making her ‘pay’.

Marriages go bad. It’s both of your faults, equally, even in emotionally abusive relationships.

Every day is a choice, and you chose where you are now. Take responsibility for the end of the marriage, admit that you were wrong (you were, sometime), and admit that you regret things couldn’t work out better.

Sometimes things just have to end.

#3. Important! Communicate Effectively; Be Clear What You Want

I couldn’t write an effective guide about how to divorce your wife without making this point excessively clear. The worst case scenario would be to walk into this and think your wife understood that you’re going to serve her divorce papers, and she actually thinks you guys turned things around.

You don’t have to be mean, but remember that you only have one message you have to get across, and that’s that you want divorce.

Anything else is optional…Just get it out in a civil dialogue, and then get out if it feels like things are going South. There’s no shame in leaving if you fear she might change your mind somehow.

#4. Anticipate Each Emotional Response (From Both of You)

Go through the range of emotions that you could possibly imagine your wife exhibiting when you tell her you want divorce. Walk through the different feelings…

• Anger, what is her reaction? What is your reaction?
• Fear, what is her reaction? What is your reaction?
• Guilt, what is her reaction? What is your reaction?
• Anxiety, what is her reaction? What is your reaction?
• What other emotions could she or you succumb to?

By thinking and planning your own responses ahead of time you’ll be more likely to come out of the confrontation the way that you want to…Strong and ready to move forward. Plus, reflecting on these different emotions will probably give you some other additional insights about how to divorce your wife, since you’ll need to do some deep thinking about her.

#5. Speak From a Firm Foundation

Whatever happens, keep your cool. The second worst case scenario - and I don’t mean consequence-wise, I mean dignity-wise – Is to lose your temper and flip out on your wife while you’re telling her you want a Divorce .

Trust me, the divorce news will be enough to devastate her; you owe it to her to keep your anger under reign.

Plus, when you’re angry, you get emotional. And when you get emotional, you get weak. That means you’re more likely to settle for the marriage, even if ahead of time you’ve made the firm decision not to. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated to changing your mind.

#6. You Only Have 1 Point: You’re Ending the Marriage

I hit on this before, but seriously, keep this at the front of your mind. “1 point, end the marriage…1 point, end the marriage…1 point, end the marriage…” should be the thought running through your head as you tell your wife the bad news.

Yes, it will probably hurt her, shock her, and/or devastate her. Yes she will have stuff to deal with. Yes it will take her months/years to recover, just like it will you.

But think about what your marriage is like now…If it never got better could you accept staying in the marriage indefinitely?

If not, divorce might be the best solution for both of you. You’ll ultimately give your family more time to recover; don’t think you’re doing your child any favors by staying together in an unhappy marriage.

#7. Important! Eh…You Might Talk to a Divorce Lawyer

As much as I think divorce attorneys are crooks, I must recommend that you talk to one before telling your wife you want a divorce. You need to make sure to plan your finances for after the separation, and know your rights going into the legal battle, especially if there are kids involved.

Don’t try and figure out how to divorce your wife yourself, let the divorce attorney make your life easier.

Of course, ideally you’ll be able to accept each other’s perspective and agree to settle cordially with your wife, but you may as well prepare for the worst, just in case.

Either way, thanks for reading this article about how to tell your wife you want divorce!

Kindly,
- Jacob Elichmann @ HusbandHelpHaven.com