Here's Why Open Communication Won't Get Your Wife Back No Matter What

Do you find yourself facing marriage problems with your wife? Does it seem like you just can't get on the same wavelength, or that no matter what you do or say your wife still isn't satisfied with your marriage?

If so, then this article was written for you. As you continue reading we're going to bust one of the most common myths that you will hear regarding how to get your wife back. Can you guess what it is? The title pretty much says it all…

Open Communication is Not a Magic Marriage Solution

The first thing most husbands hear when they try to talk to a friend or counselor about their problems is that they need to "improve communication" within the marriage. Does this sound familiar to you?

Have you heard that better communication will help fix the current problems in your marriage?

If so, you have been lied to. This extremely common piece of advice sounds like it should work, but in practice it doesn't do a whole lot. I have heard of very few women and even fewer marriages that have been repaired because of better communication… What about you?

Plus, open communication isn't that hard… If that's all that it took to fix a marriage, do you honestly believe that we would have a ~50% divorce rate in America today? Do you think that 50% of husbands are too dumb to say exactly what's on their mind to their wives?

I think not.

Why Doesn't Open Communication Work?

Honestly, I would be willing to bet a large sum of money that it was a woman who originally came up with this idea. It seems like a classic example of a "by women, for women" piece of advice.

See, better communication sounds like a logical piece of marriage advice… It sounds like it should work. I mean, all the healthy marriages that I know of also have very healthy communication between the two spouses. Therefore, shouldn't practicing better communication also make your marriage better?

Well, in a perfect world, maybe. However, let me explain why this doesn't work by giving you an analogy…

Maintaining Your Car is Like Maintaining Your Marriage

If you take good care of your car – regular oil changes, tire rotations, inspections, etc. – then you will rarely be surprised by an out-of-nowhere problem like engine failure or a busted transmission. The most expensive maintenance you will ever have to pay for is an oil change, otherwise your car will generally stay in good condition. Rarely will any problems arise because you've been a good owner and had the car regularly maintained.

Okay? So if you take good care of your car, it runs more smoothly for a lot longer. We all agree.

But, let's look at the other side...

If you take bad car of your car – basically just driving it till it stops – then you will find that your car troubles become exponentially more frequent AND more expensive. If you run your car into the ground because you failed to keep up with regular maintenance, then it's going to take something a lot more expensive than an oil change to keep it running. You may need a completely new engine, transmission, or something else expensive that you wouldn't otherwise have had to pay for for a long, loooooong time.

So, do you see the two scenarios here?

In a good marriage, open communication is sort of like the regular maintenance… If you keep up with it, then you will rarely have problems, and those you do have will be resolved easily and quickly. However, if you fail to keep up with that regular marriage maintenance it will take a lot more than simple communication to get things running again.

Does that analogy makes sense? In other words...

Open Communication Works for Happy Marriages, Not Yours

If your marriage is on the rocks right now, and if you're here reading this article then it is, open communication is not going to be enough to fix your marriage or end separation. No matter how clearly you're able to communicate with your wife, you will be unable to change the way she feels about you or staying in the relationship.

So the question is: What should you do instead?

You need to change the way your wife feels about you… You need to make her feel attracted to you, to want you, to crave being with you. This is going to require a more dramatic change than open communication. You're going to have to become the good husband that you used to be.

I know you still have some questions about getting your wife back, so this is what I'm going to recommend you do...

Recommended: 9 Essential Traits of a Good Husband

Of course, there are a couple of other articles for you to read on this very website, so you should go ahead and bookmark this page and come back to it anytime to find what's new on Husband Help Haven.

Whatever you do, thanks for reading!

With Much Manly Love,
- Jacob Elichmann @ HusbandHelpHaven

PS - You can find more articles just like Open Communication Won't Save Your Marriage at my website for men in need of guy-to-guy marriage help.

Discover the Most Powerful Secret to Getting Your Wife Back

You're here because every time you’ve tried getting your wife back thus far has been either ineffective or, worse yet, pushed her even further away.

Please don’t think that this is your fault!

Related Article - How to Communicate With Your Wife

It is absolutely not your fault at all; it is the strategies and techniques that you have been taught to get your ex back that are to blame. Not very many men truly understand how women work and how to “turn them on” to you.

As a result you have been told misinformation and theoretical advice that has no ties to real life or your relationship to your wife. In fact, this same misinformation has led to many ‘nother an abandoned husband.

I’ve already talked on HusbandHelpHaven about what the secret is to getting your wife back, and it’s actually quite simple.

In case you missed it -

The Key to Getting Your Wife Back is Building Attraction

If you can do that, then every problem, every bit of blame, all the discontent, will suddenly come into question in her mind, and it won’t be long before she falls head over heels for you once again.

But how do you do that, exactly?

It sounds like an obvious or overly simplistic way to save your relationship, but it isn’t!

To build attraction you have to change the way your wife FEELS about you, and that is the core strategy needed to get your wife to fall back in love with you. Communication, counseling, intimacy time, etc, are all great, but they won’t actually change anything about your wife’s FEELINGS, and because of that, you will never get anywhere with this separation.

Even if you attended 10 sessions with a marriage counselor and finally saw a breakthrough – Something where both you and your wife were feeling really good in the session, and you whole heartedly believe things had changed – As soon as you get back home and real life happens, it will take less than 10 minutes for your wife to do a complete 180 on you.

Why?

Because you never changed the way she FEELS, and she’ll always listen to her emotion over reason.

So, let’s think biologically about how to get your wife back…

Women are Programmed to Follow the Alpha Male

Both men and women are universally attracted to certain characteristics in the opposite gender. No matter how hardened her heart is right now, it is a biological fact that women have a primal attraction to the type of man who they believe can provide for them best - In other words, the Alpha Male.

Women always want to be with the biggest, strongest and most ferocious ‘Lion’, if you will.

Right now, I think you agree that you are nowhere close to being a ‘Lion’…Right now you probably better resemble a sheep…No offense to you, of course, because as I already said it is NOT your fault. We live in a weirdly dysfunctional society; it’s just bad luck.

Don’t dwell on it, just focus on moving forward. This should be good news to you because right now you ARE getting the key to saving your marriage. Re-ignite that hope; don’t let regret stop you from that.

Women Follow Leaders and Will Do Anything for them, They Can’t Help ‘That Feeling’

Leadership is the single quality that will most attract a woman to you, and that includes your wife. I know that I’m about to sound sexist right here, but women are biologically programmed to follow, support and care for their family. They’re programmed to find men desirable who are obviously able to lead them and provide for them and thrill them.

Many times when I tell men that they need to gain the attributes of a leader to fulfil their biblical duties and get their wives back, they look at me with sadness and say “But Jack, I’m not a leader; I’ve never been an extrovert, are you telling me I can’t get my wife back?”

No! Absolutely not!

You’re thinking too literally. Let’s talk about what really defines a leader, because it’s certainly not about how many people you have underneath you.

What Really Defines a Leader?

• A Leader Is Fun to Be around, and doesn’t let other people’s business get him down…That includes your wife’s unhappiness or her psychological mind games. Let YOU be the source of YOUR happiness, and f@*% the rest. You don’t have to be mean, just self dependant.
• A Leader Is Confidant in Himself, and knows that life is going to keep going for better or for worse, and that he might as well make the best of every situation…This naturally makes him a happy and healthy person to be around
• A Leader Is Charismatic and Loose; he lets himself define his own reaction to any given situation, and doesn’t let other people’s expectations affect his own actions…Because of this he is always enjoyable and interesting to be around – It just comes naturally
• A Leader Loves His Neighbor As Himself, and cares for the people that need caring for. He is loving, kind and he can be very affectionate, but he doesn’t grovel or plead for attention like some men do.
• A Leader Is a Provider, not just of food and basic necessities, but of enjoyment, enlightenment and self worth. He provides his wife with a strong pillar of support that she can lean on when her own life isn’t going the way she wants, and he can ‘man up’ when the need arises.

So, the reason you’re having problems in your marriage right now is because somewhere along the line you lost one or more of these qualities in your wife’s eyes. She can’t convince herself to ‘forgive him’ or ‘come back to him’ or ‘give it a second chance’ because she doesn’t FEEL it without those qualities.

From her perspective you no longer resemble the leader that she married – And don’t get me wrong, EVERY man was a leader at some point – and because you don’t resemble that Lion that you once were, she no longer has that biological NEED to be with you. She no longer feels compelled to follow you, and the absence of that feeling is what is driving the rift between the two of you.

If you can capture all of these qualities within yourself, then not only will you be prepared to take your marriage by the horns and have it as you will, but you will also be better prepared for life.

The men who are leaders in our world, even if it is only within their own personal lives, don’t just enjoy better and healthier marriages, but even when things go sour (as they always do at some point) he can still remain happy, successful and confidant.

Why? Because he who leads is like a Lion, and what does a Lion have to be afraid of?

Abso-f*(#in-lutely Nothing.

If you still have any unanswered questions and you’d like to learn more about getting your wife back, then I encourage you to take some time and browse some more interesting articles on HusbandHelpHaven.com.

Whatever you do from here, good luck!

Kindly,
- Jacob Elichmann

Editorial: This article, the Secret to Getting Your Wife Back, was originally posted on HusbandHelpHaven.com; I always publish there first before Posterous, so head over there for the most recent articles.